On Paper Purges and Digital Transformations..

I know, things have been quite around here again, but it is not without good reason. 

Introducing Grandma's Place

It's hard to believe that as of this year, I have lived in Ontario for 27 years.  In some ways it feels like it cannot possibly be that long -- and in others, a little like I've always been here.  It only takes looking at the faces of our (not so) little (anymore) people, and the littles that they gave us to truly see how long it has been and how much has changed. 

Renew, Recharge, Refresh - One Step at a time

 

Each year we head into the new year with thoughts and plans of renewal, of change, and of resolutions - so many promises made only to be cast aside as we adventure into the new year.  It's just the way it goes. 

Wishing my colleagues, family and friends a very Happy Thanksgiving weekend!

It's been a rough year (so far). We have had way too many funerals, and not enough social gatherings and happy news. Yet somehow here we are, happy and reasonably healthy despite it all. I can't help but be grateful for that.

It's ok to start again .. and again..

Sometimes it seems like my life is a constant state of stops and starts.  While often exciting, it's always busy and it's quite often frustrating.  

Brain droppings of another new normal.

We had so many plans for this Summer, with and without the kids.  I love having (some of) the kids here, but it comes with a great cost. 

WTF: On technology taking over the world or at least MY world.

A few months back my husband went out and bought a Google mini to try out. He'd heard a lot about them and wanted to play-test one and see if they were worth all the hype. 

It was during the holidays and the kids were all down.  We all laughed at our eldest talking to Google and trying to trip "her" up.  Even our (almost) 6-year-old grandson got in on the act once we figured out he could ask Google to "tell him a joke."  We'd later learn that she could also play games, tell stories, broadcast messages from one mini to the other among a variety of other skills -- some more useful than others. 

There were on sale that week, so after a few days of amusement hubby went out and bought 2 more.  My favourite thing to do was to have it stream a radio station or a Spotify playlist and have it play on all of the speakers so the music literally flowed through our entire house.  

There are quite a few other great options with the system that are totally customizable.  Simply saying Good morning kicks off a weather report for our area and highlights of our area news, and national news.  It can also turn lights on and off (if you have the special adaptors and/or switches to facilitate that).  You can set up goodnight, I'm home and a variety of other triggers too. 

The addition leaves us feeling rather Jetson-esque.  It's great to be able to quickly refer to google without having to dig into your pocket.  I don't know how many times I'd asked it to calculate this or that or look up a piece of information. 

Another great feature is the "where's my phone" feature.  Shh. Don't tell hubby I said that's one of his most used features.  

My mother-in-law got an echo for Christmas so we began researching it a little more deeply to learn how to use it so we could help her learn to use it.  In the following weeks, hubby would go out and get door locks to work in conjunction with this new addition.  This, of course, would carry over to our house as well. It wasn't long before we had one in our living room too.  

It was hilarious to be trying to address Alexa and having Google complain that they didn't know who we were talking to, and Alexa doing her version of the same.  At least the programmers had some fun with it.  

Somewhere along hubby's research path he learned that the automatic door locks, thermostats and what not worked better with Alexa than they did with Google.  We'd been looking at the corresponding "tablets" and weighing the worth of possibly getting one of those for the kitchen.  Could be a lot of fun for looking up recipes -- E-friendly too because you wouldn't have to print it out.  I wonder if you can save recipes to it though, I'll have to look into that. 

We discovered an interesting additional feature on Alexa this morning.  Boredom got the best of me and I said, "Alexa Good morning" to which she replied good morning and informed she had a great shelf of books and that we could ask her daily what book she was reading.  I went to look it up and found that they are adding new features to their system for our use and enjoyment. Aside from getting your news on demand (and hands-free!) there a wide variety of things to try.  You can check them out here.  

blog.aboutamazon.com/devices/alexa-and-amazon-devices-covid-19-resources

We've added a couple more echos and a Show to our "family" recently and have been enjoying the getting to know you phase of this new relationship.  Our grandson loves Alexa SO much because Google quite often didn't understand what he'd said and Alexa seemed to be much more forgiving.   

He loves that Grandpa got one for the spare room so he can lie in bed and ask Alexa to tell him jokes or tell him a story.  Grandma and Grandpa have learned that being able to tell Alexa to play lullabies or play Disney music is a wonderful feature for the littles.  It also has a drop-in feature so you can use it for an intercom and check on what's happening in that room (aurally not visually). 

All in all these toys both have their great features, and we'll keep them both if only because it's amusing to hear them argue with each other when we address one or the other.  

We're trying out a new topic to be featured on the blog regularly. A tongue-in-cheek "WTF," which we're using for "What Tammy Found."  You may find a product review, a new website or hangout, who knows what I'll find.  

Thanks for stopping by!  

8i8

2020: Catch-up to the Party - It's already here!

It's hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last sat down and hammered out a blog post.

It's not that I haven't tried, in fact,  I have many beginnings that got interrupted and never revisited.  Or I'd get on a bit of a soapbox tangent, and cast it aside and when I'd return it would no longer feel relevant.  

A great many other updates occurred directly to social media.  Often on the fly as a passenger in the car to one place or another.  

It seems crazy to me to think that I'd ever find myself to be too busy to do the things I love most but here we are.  I've an overwhelming desire to stand out on the rooftop a number of times just to shout out "Stop the world, I wanna get off!"  Oh to have a quiet day with no commitments to anyone.  I forget what that is.  Every time I think I have the day figured out something or someone pops up to redirect the flow. 

So many of my regular pursuits and things in progress were left hanging on the clothesline.  Now to pick each one up, dust it off and determine whether it should be sent off to the bit bucket or returned to service.  It will take some time but I'll get there.  

Thankfully being in the med-zone lent me somewhat of a mandatory slow down for a while. A chance to pause, to re-group and to plot my next steps.  So many plans and half-baked projects to work on. So many dreams left to fullfil.  If not now -- when?  has been quite prevalent on my mind.  I turned 50 this year.  I'm not getting any younger.  

We welcomed our newest grandchild to the family just a few days after my birthday.  With her comes a big brother who we've only just begun to know but we love him to bits already.  2 boys and 2 girls ~ we are so very blessed.  You don't know unconditional love 'til your baby's baby calls you Grandma, I swear! 

I was marvelling with a couple of good friends this week just how long it's been since we've all had the time -- taken the time -- to get together and just BE.  When did life get so damned busy?  It has been months since I got inky fingers -- you know that's a rarity around here.  

As kids, we were all in such a huge hurry to grow up. We'd be adults, we could do whatever we wanted.  Stay up as late as we wanted, eat whatever we wanted, with no restrictions.  Yeah.  How did that work out for you?  

As parents of sometimes cranky teens, we looked forward to a day when they'd be adults and we'd just be us again.  Just when we'd acclimated ourselves to what that might look like, grandbabies arrived.  That's not to say I'm complaining, but rather pointing out that we always seem to want to be somewhere other than where we are.  Isn't that strange?  These days, I'm happy just to be in my cave, puttering around my house and not having to go anywhere.  Those days are pretty rare.  

I spent much of the last year in preparation mode.  In between the day-to-day and running around I was gearing up for a long-awaited surgery.  Bi-weekly check-ins and plotting took me out of the cave a lot more than I had been used to in a very long time.  Surgery brought on a variety of changes and plotting around homecare.  On a plus note, I'm feeling better now than I have in a very long time.  Still have a ways to go, but for the first time in a long time, there's hope.  

I've gotten to spend copious amounts of time with any variety of our kids and grandchildren. Honestly, they've been my salvation.  No matter how crazy life gets, they can always make me smile -- especially those littles. My goodness!! Our little people make awesome little people. <3 

We're finally in the home stretch of wound care, and things are slowly beginning to get back to normal -- whatever that is -- or a reasonable facsimile.  Picking up and getting back on track feels a little like sorting socks, but we're hanging in there. 

Here's to getting back to the fray! 

Celebrations and early morning ponderings..

Up bright and early this morning as teddybear had a course this morning. The house is quiet save the sound of the rippling water in the fish tank.  It's been a while since the house has sounded so calm and still.  Of course it could just be that I haven't been awake early enough to witness it. I can hear our birthday girl calling it stupid-o-clock and I cannot help but giggle a little bit. 

Caryn pictured here with baby Sasha a number of years
ago. Sadly Sasha passed away just this past week at the
age of 16.  This is one of my favourite photos of
Caryn. 

Our eldest daughter, 'Carebear' (she prefers Cayrbear), 'baby girl' turns 27 today and I can't help but notice that she is now the same age I was when I moved out here 22 years ago and became their "Teemy-Mommy," stepping into the role of custodial stepmom to a crew that was just 2, 4 and 5 at the time.  Fast forward to today and our beautiful little girl is all grown up with a babe of her own -- who just happens to be the 4 years old that she was when I met her. 

I will never forget the sweet smile of a little girl who had crawled up on my lap at her brother's birthday party whose only request

for her birthday was that I come back for her party in January.  I remember feeling a little panicked.  I had no idea how I could possibly make that work but I promised to try and for the moment that was enough. 

When I went home after that visit, I couldn't help but miss them. We'd had a lot of fun during my visit.  

There were several conversations about how we might make another trip work.  There came a point where childcare became an issue, and it was affecting employment.  I'd facetiously offered to come and lend a hand.  I was a little past having had ovarian cancer, and a 2nd surgery for a benign cyst.  I'd been looking at courses that were wait listed and I was not really doing much at the time.  

To be honest, I was mostly being my cheeky self.  We'd all been chatting on the BBS networks for some time and the offer came easily - I'd even surprised myself.  I'd joked that with James working at the college I might get a discount on the courses I was after and could do them by distance Ed while watching the kids - win win for everyone.  In a year or two, I'd return home and "IRL" would resume. Talking always came easy, we just meshed.  I honestly never thought it would become reality, it was a thought thrown into the mix -- a half-baked one at that, but before too long the cookies became a bakery and I was on my way. 

Telling Dad would be the hardest part.  He was not happy that I would leave him.  My promise to come home in a year or so was met with skepticism and attitude.  My sister had thrown a big fit that I couldn't leave as her birthday was coming and I had to be here to celebrate.  As it happened, I booked my trip for the day after my sister's birthday to accomodate and still arrive for Caryn's birthday and as it turned out, my Dad and I spent the evening together as my sister was a no-show.  

January 22nd became known as our "Brockville Birthday" and for many years it was celebrated as the day we officially became a family, and the "Familyzoo" was born.  

On the day of Caryn's birthday party, sitting on my lap I'd told her that I had a special surprise for her before whispering in her ear that I wasn't going home this time.  She'd squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck so tight.  It is a moment I'll never forget.

I never planned to come, and I certainly didn't plan to stay.  For years my Dad would call me a liar because I didn't come home. I remember an early conversation with Dad telling me that this wasn't my responsibility and I could come home any time among other choice words.  I'd said something about our kids and he'd informed me that I hadn't dropped them so they weren't mine. The kids all laughed their heads off when I got off the phone and one by one picked each of them up and dropped them on the floor (they were standing up at the time so they landed on their feet).  I then told them they could call Grandpa Wilson so they could tell him that I had in fact dropped them all, so that was the end of that.  Dad had laughed too. He told me I was nuts and I'd laughed and said "just like my Daddy!"  

I could never have predicted that that simple request of a child would lead me here.  I often wonder if that little girl knows the impact that her birthday wish has had on my life.  A little leap of faith, and I was transported into a world I'd only ever seen in dreams.  There were a few nightmares too, but overall I would do it again in a heartbeat.

There are many things I'd like to think I'd do a little differently now, hindsight brings clarity to so many things, but at the end of the day we're all human -- doing the best we can until we learn a better way.  There is no manual and there are many MANY days when as you close your eyes at night and everybody is still alive, you call it a win. Becoming "Teemy" was the biggest (often hardest) and most rewarding challenge of my life. I didn't always rise to the challenge gracefully, but nobody can ever say I didn't try.  


Even through all the med-crap, and the teenager years, I always knew I had something worth fighting for.  I got to come home to 3 amazing kids, and a wonderful man.  It's the stuff that dreams are made of.   It's not always easy, but nothing worth having ever is.  I can only hope you know how much I love you all. 

And today, on Caryn's birthday..  I find myself thinking about where we've been and where we're going..  it has been an interesting ride to say the least. 

As tough as the teenager years could be, and for all the times we quipped about eating our young, you did a great job in making it up to us when you made us Grandma and Grandpa -- no greater gift was ever given. Good luck ever topping that one. 

With the granting of one simple wish, my life has been forever altered.  I am both blessed and grateful. It was your birthday, but you gave me the biggest gift of all. 

Happy Birthday Caryn! Love you!! XO

Catching up.. Plodding Forward.. Moving On..

It seems like an eternity since I sat down to update my blogs.  I know, I'd promised to do so regularly over the course of my treatment but it didn't happen as planned. 

I sat down at the keyboard a few times during chemotherapy planning to write something to update everyone, but everything I wrote seemed to come out part sick of the med zone part hopeful fortune cookie and I would abandon the post in mid-stream and move onto something else. 

Once I hit radiation, we were staying at the Maurice Grimes Lodge in Ottawa and for some odd reason, I could not get the Blogger site to cooperate with me for anything. I was using my husband's laptop and I might as well have been trying to crack the Caramilk Secret.  

I finished my radiation at the beginning of March, and hair hard just starting coming in.  I will laugh about it for some time to come because the hair was coming in dark and black and I was pretty sure the black shadow was dirt and tried for some time to scrub it off.  It had been just one spot on the front of my head.  It would be a few more days before more would appear and I would realize my mistake.  I had 5 O'clock shadow on my head!  Ah well, you have to laugh, right?

I'm a couple of months into the anti-hormone treatment and feeling a lot more like me these days.  Working hard to get everything caught up and back to where it needs to be. Some days are better than others, but giving myself permission to be human helps.  

I am forever grateful for a handful of close friends and family who stood by and made sure I never got to feel like I was wandering alone.  I am also very grateful for a number of folks that I talk to often but have never met -- not a day went by where at least one of them (and often more) texted to see how things were going, or just check for a pulse.  I'd forgotten how y'all panic when I'm not online for a few days.  

This last year has been BEYOND crazy.  I never imagined that I'd be celebrating 23 years post ovarian cancer by getting breast cancer.  Only me, I swear.  

We had no idea that the night after my first chemo treatment that we'd be sitting in the ER and saying goodbye to one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know.  My father-in-law had been ill for some time, but we had no idea we'd lose him so soon.  I can only hope he knew how much we all love him. 

I keep thinking about the last conversations we had. Even as he lay in his hospital bed, he mustered the strength to ask me how I'd made out.  I told him better than expected. He'd smiled and said good! before drifting back off to sleep.  That's so Walter. Always thinking about someone other than himself.  

He had a knack for making people feel loved and important.  I was blessed to be welcomed into his crazy tribe. 

Barely a hiccup later it seemed, we were all gathered once again to say goodbye to our nephew Mikey.  He was only 24. His smile was one of the brightest smiles I've ever known. He gave awesome hugs.  One of the youngest of the nieces and nephews, everyone took this news hard. 

He leaves behind the most beautiful little girl. Too young to understand the weight of the loss she has suffered. She was so very proud of the necklace that Nana picked for her that has Daddy's thumbprint on the back.  Addiction robbed her of her Daddy.  Addiction robbed his whole family of a lifetime of memories.  He was more than his addiction.  He was loved and cherished.  If only that were enough to keep him here and safe. 

I am grateful she has so many strong role models in her corner.  She'll be OK. Her circle of love will #DoItForMikey.

I can't help but think of my sister and her struggles and wonder what we might have done to change the outcome.  Maybe something, maybe nothing but in hindsight, the stigma surrounding the situation is often worse than the situation itself.  Maybe if we'd been allowed to talk about it more things would be different today.  I often wander down that garden path and wonder. So many dreams and plans we made as kids that will never come to be.  It's sad, but here we are. 

So many tragic things happening lately, these are the things you always hear about happening to some far-away family, not us, not our friends, our family, our neighbors.  It's a Small World, never seemed so close.  None of us are safe, no one is immune.  I guess the bottom line is that all of us are dying, nobody is getting out of here alive.

Tragedy and hard times bring us all a little closer together and really make us look at what's important.  Don't forget to hug those that hold you up a little more closely whenever you can.  Life's too short to forget to let people know they matter. 

Smile often, laugh when you can.  Hug as many people as possible while you're here. <3  - TJW. 

So glad to be home at last.

It hardly seems like it's been 5 months since my last post, but it has. 

I started dozens of writings in that time that for one reason or another never got to "done."  

Most recently, I'd had several attempts while staying at the Lodge for radiation treatments where I couldn't get my computer to log into my blog for reasons unknown.  I'd initially thought that it was because it was to one e-mail account and I'd logged in from another.  I'd tried logging into it as well, and also tried logging out of everything and back into only that e-mail and that didn't solve it.  I'm still befuddled on that score. 

It didn't help that the laptop kept insisting on upgrading to Windows 10, which seemed to work for a short time but then after an update kept reverting back to a previous version of windows.  This process would render the machine useless for hours at a time.  By then I'd be on to something else. 

Suffice it to say that my laptop and I were not besties during much of my cancer treatments.  

I am grateful for my teddy bear who loaned me his laptop several times so that I wouldn't be bored silly, but oddly I couldn't seem to get logged in to my blog from it either.  This machine has always auto-logged me in, so it remains a mystery.  

So much has happened since my last post. way too much to write in the space of one blog. 

I am happy to report however that I finished my last chemo treatment just prior to Christmas.  My radiation treatments started at the end of January, ran through February and finished at the beginning of March.  

It was a long haul but I'm happy to have completed those two legs of the journey.  I'm just a few weeks into the hormone therapy now (anti-hormone therapy perhaps) and follow up with both oncologists in two separate appointments in May. 

The hair I was told would start coming back 6 months after chemo was already starting to come in as I approached the 1 month after chemo. 

I'm still laughing about how I'd seen the dark mark on the front of my head and tried to wash it off.  It really looked like ink transfer, perhaps dry skin or even dirt but I thought it might have come from one of the hats. 

 Imagine my surprise a few days later when there was a large patch on top of my head and I realized that I had been trying to wash off was actually 5 O'clock shadow on my head!  

It's funny now, but it wasn't so funny at the time.  

I thought that the medzone living would bring a slow-down, but quite the opposite.  We got home and things seemed to pick up where the left off in many respects though for sure bedtime was coming up a lot sooner.  It's amazing to me how tired you get when you actually let yourself stop moving for a bit. 

In any case, It feels great to be HOME o our grandkids and kids, to our pets, and to life in general.  Not that we ever truly went away -- being in Ottawa and working sure isn't the same as being in my home office. 

Let the hat parade begin...

I have been teasing friends and family for the last few weeks that a hat parade was coming. I don't think they believed me.

I have never been one for selfies or to take/post photos of myself. James made me promise I'd try to be a bit more diligent about journalling the journey this time around and I thought that this might be a fun thing to add.

Ever since the news of my balding head broke out in town, friends, neighbors, and colleagues have been messaging me telling me they're whipping up something, others have gone out and picked up hats.

I would be seriously remiss if I didn't share this generous outpouring of love and support.

Initially, I thought I'd do a fun Friday post, but thought that in most cases this could amuse the heck out of you on your Monday morning instead so here goes!

Today's lovely creation came to me by way of my fabulously talented friend Jamie Riddell who sent me an adorable photo of a cabbage patch hat a few weeks ago and said she was going to try and make it.

Not only did she make it, but she made a second hat that was so awesome that it caused great debate on which one I liked more and which would be worn first. I'm so glad I don't really have to choose. I love Love LOVE them both!!

Sadly I wasn't here when she dropped off the package, but I hope she heard my giggles and squeals when I got them inside and checked them out. :)

This one seemed like a fabulous hat for a Monday morning! <3

Thanks so much Jamie! You Rock! <3

PS this would have been posted much earlier but seems I haven't cleared pics from my phone in a while and it was too full to let me have it. LOL I had to do some maintenance there before I could have my own darned photo - who knew? LOL

Spread an attitude of Gratitude

I don't know that I say it enough but I have the most amazing friends. Even when I share a partucularly goofy moment they come out in droves to show they are there to care and support me. I will never forget how fortunate I am to be here and to know so many awesome people.

I attended a service yesterday for a beautiful soul taken way too soon after a lengthy battle with cancer.

Friends and family spoke of her courage and spirit and caring for others despite what she was going through. I couldn't help but smile at a kindred spirit. I will let you in on a little secret.. caring for others and keepin on is so much better than dwelling on the cloud where you're at.. she got that.

I wish I had known her instead of only knowing of her. My teddybear has a HUGE extended family! She was truly a gem.

I too will keep on putting one foot in front of the other until the planning committee tells me otherwise..and even then I will argue the point. There is still so much to be to be done and so much I wanna do .. over is not even being entertained.

Today is about getting things done and then getting into the craftroom for a while. Tonight i will have dinner with a couple of my favourite people.

Wherever you are i hope you get to spend time with someone you love. Life is too short. Don't forget to enjoy it!

When the muse knocks in you cannot ignore her. Let her in!

The last week has been a whirlwind of beyond crazy.  We knew that starting chemo was going to present us with some new challenges, but we had no idea what the universe had in store for us this week.  I knew the chemo nurse had jinxed us when she told me to go home and rest and plan for a quiet weekend.

We went straight from chemo in Winchester to the ICU in Brockville and before we could even wrap our heads around the concept, we were saying goodbye to one of the most wonderful human beings I have ever met -- my father in-law.

Here we are a week later and just days after his funeral and it still doesn't feel like it is real.  I keep hoping that this is another cruel joke from the universe and he is going to walk in the door Timmies in hand at any moment; but sadly, no such luck. 

As sick as he was, he asked me how I made out at chemo.  I told him 'much better than expected' and he'd said good before closing his eyea again.  I never dreamed it would be one of the very last things he would ever say to me.

The service was lovely; from the flowers and Legion service through to the funeral service and graveside prayers.  The staff at the funeral home were so wonderful to us all.  2 of his sons and one of his grandsons paid lovely tribute to a man we were not ready to part with. Our long time friend and minister and a close family friend prepared a wonderful service. Voices of angels filled that chapel. The Ladies Aux prepared a luncheon and the branch flag flew at half mast for most of the week. A wonderful tribute to one of the most selfless and amazing people I have ever had the pleasure to know.  He welcomed most everyone into his heart and family with open arms.  He was a rare breed.

Papa would have loved the piper.  Most of all I think he would have been pleased to know that all of his kids, grandkids and great grandchildren came out to see him off and show Nana some love.  He would have loved that best of all.

I dreamt about him the other night.  It was the strangest thing.  He never said a word but he had the biggest smile on his face.  I joked to my hubby that if he was gonna wake me up, at least he could have said something. LOL  His smile was so warm and bright. I cannot help but think that he was trying to let us know that he is OK.  A number of family members have seen random signs this week.  Seems like our Papa -- always making sure everyone else is ok.

I have to admit that for much of this week chemo really kicked my butt.  I tried not to make a big deal of it but at the point we misplaced the bag of chemo meds and anti nausea/acid saving graces I about lost my mind!  They have since been found.. misplaced in the shuffle of this week.

I have a hand full of chemo cheerleaders who called or messaged daily to see how I was doing and reminding me to get rest when I could.  One of my best friends surprised me by coming out for the funeral.  Her hug was one of the bigggest highlights of my week.

My amazing mother inlaw had just lost her beloved soul mate and teddybear and was worrying about me.  She is one of the strongest women I know.  We are so very grateful that our kids and grandkids get to have her as a role model. I too am so very truly blessed to have been adopted to what my in-laws affectionately call the nuthouse. 

My addled brain is still percolating on the piece that the muse gave me this morning  but I imagine it will end up here in the near future. 

I woke up just after 2 am this morning. The chemo fog seems to have dissipated and my brain seemed to be reciting a future blog post.  Try as I might I couldn't get back to sleep. It was like someone handed me the lyrics to a new song that I just had to get up and sing.  I honestly cannot remember the last time that happened. 

I cannot get to my computer until my legs are wrapped and brace on, then realized my tablet case got left in mom's car in the shuffle.  So here I am blogging on my phone which I never do.  Do you what you gotta do, right?

In the quietest moments..

It is in the quietest moments that we remember most everything.  It could be as simple as the laundry list of things you didn't get done the day before, but it can also be the time when that little voice comes out to taunt you.  

Lately, mine's been given me hassles a-plenty.  She can be a real mean little B sometimes.  She knows all my faults, fears, and secrets, and she plays dirty.  

Sometimes she comes in the form of a familiar voice: my Dad, my mother-in-law, my teddy-bear.  All too often lately, I have to admit she's right.  I do NOT have to like it.  

This week's scrutiny has been about the ever-growing plate of "stuff" and the how little of "my" stuff is staying on the plate.  I can start out with a list of 10 things I personally want to get done in a day; by day's end I may have accomplished 30 things but the list of "my" things doesn't seem to have a dent in it.  

There is also that part of me that's scrambling to get things done before the weekend so I don't have to worry about it if I'm not up to taking care of it.  Not surprisingly so many offers of help before the big day didn't come to fruition and we're left winging it.  

I keep promising myself that I'll take time out to (fill in the blank) but then the phone rings or a message comes in with something that seems more pressing than whatever I'd had in mind and the moment is gone. I really need to be more diligent about finding that me time.  We've been looking at the calendar a lot lately and at all the things we're up to and involved in, and somewhere in the shuffle we've forgotten to plan downtime and recreation -- can you imagine? 

I am being constantly reminded by friends and family that the big C brings with it somewhat of a mandatory slow down.  My arguments that I will do as much as I can for as long as I can have not been particularly well received.  Even still, there's a fine line between taking some downtime and slipping into the abyss. A big part of me refuses to forget what feeling stranded was like.  I don't want to revert back to a wheelchair or be stuck in bed. I am aware that my attention and focus need to shift for a bit and I'm already all over that.  It will be an adjustment.  

I've been following a great group on Facebook for a while now.  I try to post regularly but sometimes the muse leaves me hanging in my tea. The group is Facebook support for Business, and is business oriented but I have found myself also applying the concept to my personal life in that Monday motivator got me in the mindset of not only choosing a business thing to tackle each week but also got me thinking of my personal honey-do list which is equally as important.  We truly do not give enough thought to self-care as we plod through our lists of things we do for everybody else every day!!

This week's project is going through a variety of blog drafts and blog tangents.  Bloggus-interuptus you could say.  The muse left mid-post or the blog went on too long.   There have been a number of comments on how I haven't posted in a while.  

I have also been contacting a variety of contacts and clients, just to reconnect and regroup as needed.  It's amazing the value of a "Hey, I thought about you today!"  to someone's day.  I've rekindled a couple of writing projects I'd been percolating in the process.  

I'm calling it a win :) 

Checking off Milestones

Bosco

Today marks the end of a week of milestones for our family. Taking posession of our home 12 years ago (August 2nd), The 1st anniversary of Bosco's arrival to our family (August 4th), My sister-inlaw's birthday (August 6th), and today our 21st anniversary.

The next chapter in the medzone

The last week or so has seemed like rather a whirlwind of medical appointments and plotting. I'd teased my teddybear that booking more than a couple of days off in a row would  tempt the fates and he'd laughed.  It never fails, every time we plan to do something for ourselves, something gets royally screwed up!  

Sometimes it's perfectly OK to be unplugged for a few days..

This might just be the first year that I didn't get online to post something for Father's day, and for my father-inlaw's bday. Kids came down for a few days and we were too busy enjoying them that my keyboard didn't get any airplay whatsoever.

An unexpected trip to London and a fabulous weekend!

How awesome is it that it's Thursday, and I'm still pumped after a fabulous weekend?

The District "G" Portion of the Convention Parade.  My teddybear is carrying our branch flag. 

What we thought was going to be a weekend comprised largely of meetings and a "work" type atmosphere turned out to be so much different than I had imagined. 

We'd jumped at the chance to attend the Legion Zone Convention in Gananoque just a few weeks before and I hadn't even considered adventuring to London for Provincial Convention. Part not wanting to push my luck  having just gotten back from what we'd been calling the closest thing to a vacation we'd seen in quite a long time, and partly logistics. 

I had been chatting with fellow comrades who were encouraging us to go, and  so I promised to bug my teddy bear.  Much to my surprise, he had already been thinking about it and had started the wheels in motion.   We often joke that this is one of the perks of having been together so long.  We often find ourselves in synch when we haven't actually vocalized our "evil plans."

A bigger bonus was that my cousin Tom was to be the Dominion guest speaker.  I was pretty happy that I would get to be present for that.  I didn't know he would also do the new officer installations but I probably should have guessed.   I got to get some pretty fabulous photos for the family album as well -- Scrapbooker for the win!  As is the norm, I'm way behind on getting the bulk of them posted, but they'll arrive on a Facebook page near you soon. :) 

I thought it was pretty fabulous that a son of my Dad's eldest brother and I, a daughter of the youngest brother would be together at the same convention talking "shop."  I wonder what our Dads would have thought about that. 

It was the longest road trip I've been on in a while, clocking in almost 6 hours by the time we got through Toronto.  It's been a very long time since these poor legs felt like they'd been fashioned into pretzels.  Days later, my knees and legs still haven't recovered but it was so worth it -- I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

The weekend was an opportunity to meet a number of faces to go along with names we already knew as well as a chance to connect with people we talk to regularly but don't always get to see.  I also made a number of new connections and a few new friends.  I really enjoyed the chance to network with other Legionnaires from a variety of experience levels.  I came home re-energized and ready for the new term. For once I felt like I had more answers than questions, though my convention book margin notes remind me I still have much to learn. 

I'm still giggling at just how very different some folks are out of uniform than they are in uniform.  My first Provincial convention I witnessed a new induction for a couple of fellows to something called the Order of the Thong, in the middle of a meeting of the Pink Ladies.   No, I wasn't drunk, nor did I imagine any of it.  Colour me amused.  

I even won a $100 Walmart gift card from one of the vendors on site! 

I really enjoyed the presentation by Invictus Games Co-Captain Natacha Dupuis (Retired Master Cpl., who shared her story and talked about what the opportunity to once again represent her country means to her.  I'd read about the games last year but hadn't really followed them.  After this presentation, I don't think I'll ever look at them the same way again.  CTV London interviewed her as part of the Convention coverage, check it out here.

Maj. Mark Bossi

We also had the opportunity to reconnect with a presenter we'd seen at the Gananoque Convention.  Major Bossi had given such a captivating presentation on the OSI (Operational Stress Injury) Program. It was one of the best presentations I've ever seen -- we were thrilled to bump into him again.  He did speak at this convention as well, but it was a much more condensed version. 

Even though I was an Observer not a Delegate (meaning I didn't get to participate in the vote) being there still made you feel like you were part of the process.  It was SO much better than reading the reports (or having them read to you) after the fact.  

This year the Royal Canadian Legion Ontario Command elected its' very first female President on this the 50th convention.

Sharon McKeown, President of Ontario Command

I found myself listening to how she'd come to be a member of the Legion and smiling to myself as it was my Dad that got me involved too.  I found myself wondering what I'd say if I eventually had the opportunity to share my "why."  

We met the Honourable Kent Hehr, Minister of Veteran's Affairs outside our hotel Friday evening and then caught up with him again the following day and were able to get photos with him.  James teased me that I'd gotten a new photo for my "collection" that I hadn't needed my media credentials to get.  Smartipants. 

James Edwards, Secretary Branch 105 (and my teddybear) pictured with the Hon. Kent Hehr, Minister of Veterans Affairs and Tom Irvine, Dominion 1st Vice President (and my cousin) at Provincial Convention in Londaon Ontario.

I'm always amazed when I meet one of those "larger than life" people that you've only ever seen from afar and you realize that they're people too.  He couldn't have been more personable or friendly.  I spent some time chatting with his photographer as well. 

I was offered a new project this weekend as well, but that's another blog.  I'll wait until we have our meeting in a couple of weeks and I know more about what I'm getting myself into before I start making noise about that.  Just know I am quite excited about the opportunity!!

Now we set our sights ahead to Dominion Convention 2018 in which Tom will be invested as Dominion President.  Come Hell or high water, I definitely want to be there!

Today's blog comes with a very hearty thank you to 3 fabulous comrades who I am proud to hold among my family and friends.  Your constant encouragement and support despite many newbie questions and sometimes hair-brained ideas is precious to me.  Your patience has been so very appreciated.  <3

Remind me not to blink as I fast forward 4 more years

A message popped up in the reminders on my Facebook page this morning from 4 years ago and I couldn't help but take pause at the realization that 4 years had gone by since I wrote it.

It had been written in the hangover of my Dad's passing, and a whack of family drama. I'm always amazed at how much unnecessary crap people can create at the most inopportune of times. Never surprised, but always amazed.

I'd started out thanking a few close friends and family who stood by me through the year gone by. It was one of the worst of my life. The only thing that carried me through was that feeling that I wasn't as alone as I felt. I am so grateful to have had my beloved James with me and that his boss was willing to let him take extended leave to be with me. I could never have gone otherwise.

Aside from the obvious leg-wrapping and care issues, I honestly don't think I'd have survived any of it without him. He's pretty modest about it all, of course, but I cannot forget the daily leg wraps, the gall bladder drain tube I was sporting at the time waiting on a surgery date, and the pure logistics of everything. His sunny disposition and whole "you'd do it for me" attitude still makes me smile. He is my energizer bunny, and he keeps me going. (Often quite literally).

Calling up friends I'd known for years, but hadn't seen in a long time to tackle a variety of tasks while we were ut there was a true testament to good friends always being able to jump back in to place right where they left off. I'd forgotten how huggy our bunch was. I'd missed them so very much.

On a plus note, I got to "show off" my teddybear and dispel the myth that such an awesome guy really did exist, and that after all the misteps they'd witnessed in the past that this girl had finally gotten it right.. always nice to get to find at least a little bright side :)

I'd actually written a long post on my Facebook page about it:

I still can't wrap my head around this message being 4 years old. I could have written it just yesterday (except for the thanks to fabulous friends).

I remember being 10 and 11 and having Dad go through his ritual of showing me where he kept his wallet, his coins and among other important things like making me memorize his SIN number, and DVN #'s.

Unfortunately this ritual always seemed to take place in a flurry of tonight's the night I'm going to die and often after a night of drinking with friends so I'd always thought he was trying to make me crazy. I never really appreciated the "lesson" he was trying to convey.

On more than one occasion I was furious with him for even suggesting that he would leave us too, leaving us with no parents.

He, on the otherhand, was so determined to make sure that in the event of the inevitable I'd be ready -- I'd be OK.

No matter how ready you are, however, it is impossible to say goodbye to someone who has been such an integral part of your life forEVER. I still find myself talking to him on occasion and wondering what he['d think of this or that.

I imagine him up there above the clouds somewhere laughing and shaking his head at me.. but it's all his fault. He's the one that gave me the warped sense of humour.

Hard to explain that he's gone, but he's he's still that inner voice in my head that never goes away. I stll hear him giving me advice, and hear his wit and wisdom coming back to me often when I least expect it. He's here.. but he's not here..

Dad used to talk about missing his parents, people I didn't really remember. I didn't get it then, but I do now. I never thought I could miss one person so much.

I have to believe we'll see each other again some day Dad.

When Dad passed, people told me that time would heal all wounds. That in time, it wouldn't hurt any more. To put it simply, PEOPLE, are generally full of shit.

Today marks 4 years since that post, and this December will mark 5 years since his passing. I can't say that time has fixed anything.

If anything it has only served to make me sadder. I still miss Dad. The family drama caused irreparable damage that has no repair manual. Sadly at least one of the participants has also passed.

Beyond the hurt and angry, lives a broken heart that may never heal. I'd heard stories of vultures in the wake of such events, but the experience was beyond my wildest expectations. People so focussed on gossip and stuff that couldn't be bothered to realize that in the midst of all of the responsibility that had been left on my shoulders, that above all I'd lost my Dad too.

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger (or so they say). Where are those damned zombies hiding anyways?

Until next time!

-T.