Thursday, 31 May 2012

Aaron's Story ~ Pause for Thanks..

I noticed the following posting on Aaron's page shortly after posting, and thought I'd share it also for anyone who might be interested..  

Deepest thanks to everyone who is responding to the accident last night and the post this morning. Your prayers and well wishes are gratefully received.

We are pulling together as a family and your support means so much to us.

The post was written to explain the situation to family, friends and the good folks who read these updates. I was getting so many messages and calls, I couldn't face the thought of repeating the story dozens of times. I did not expect it to be spread as far as it did.

Please use this opportunity to take good action in your community.

I won't be writing again until things have cooled down.

To the media, I appreciate your offers of an interview but at this point we are coming together as a family and our focus is on healing, I am sure you understand.

To all the many medical and law enforcement heroes, thank you. You have all been nothing short of amazing and our family thanks you. Words will never be enough.

To the drivers, be at peace. We all make mistakes. Sometimes small things turn into big things in the blink of an eye. There are consequences, but there shouldn't be demonization. Use this moment and all moments after to strengthen your community. There will be a price to be paid, just make sure it's worth it. Again, none of us will ever live a faultless life.

Thank you again.

Take care of your families and fix any rifts as soon as you can. Express love as often as you can. Appreciate every moment you have.

Thank you.

Pause for thought.. Aaron's Story

I was alerted to the story of Edmonton artist, Aaron Paquette and his family via a post made by a friend, and though I wanted to share Aaron's story, I had no illusions that any words I might write could be more fittingly written than those that Aaron wrote himself. 

I hope you will take a few minutes out of your busy day to read his words, and to pause to reflect on how quickly and senselessly the people we care about can be injured, broken, and simply taken away from us because we as a people are in a perpetual rush.  

I find myself thinking about some of the odditites I've seen lately on the few outtings I've made these past several weeks.  I'm still in limbo waiting for surgery so more often I've been a passenger and not the driver, but I am ever amazed at the casual stupidity of people.  

We've all been warned not to text while driving ~ but should we really need to be told that putting on nail polish or makeup while you're driving isn't a great idea?  One fellow actually had an obvious novel opened across his steering wheel as he drove..    one word fella..  AUDIOBOOK ..  ok well maybe that's two.. but still..  

As of this posting, Aaron's post had received 3552 "likes" and had been shared 6891 times.  I hope that it had made you pause for thought, for even just a few moments. 

Wishing your Mrs. a speedy recovery and return home.  <3

Aaron's post..  as posted via his facebook page.. ( For more about Aaron and to watch for further updates feel free to check out his Artist's page: )
On Wednesday May 30, 9:10pm a body was shattered.

The body was that of my dear wife. She was just finishing up an evening jog with a friend when she was struck by a vehicle. It hit her and then ran over her, pinning her body beneath one of the tires.

Her friend was screaming at the driver but he was unaware there was anybody beneath the car.

Police and Emergency Medical personnel lifted the car from off her.

I was not yet aware of any of this as I was at home. Our 1 year old baby asleep in his crib.

Backtracking events leads us to the road snaking through our neighbourhood (she was only a few blocks from home), and a yield sign that was mostly ignored.

A car and an SUV had a contest of who could be more impatient, or who could text best while driving. Exactly what was going on in the two drivers’ minds I doubt we’ll ever know. But lack of concern, lack of precaution led to the accident. That we do know.

When I arrived on the scene there were dozens of people who had poured from their houses to see what was the matter. Emergency vehicles were on scene and my wife was in an ambulance.

She was alive. I asked her if she knew me and where she was. She looked into my eyes and blinked twice. Her whole body was shaking from the shock.

That’s when I noticed her wrist was snapped in half.

Her face was bloody and beginning to swell.

A couple of hours ago, after a long night of tears and waiting, we found out the rest. And there will be more to come.

Deep cuts, contusions and road rash all over her body and across her stomach.

All her ribs are broken.

There are tubes draining the blood that is gathering between her ribcage and her lungs.

Her liver and pancreas are lacerated.

Along with her wrist are broken fingers. This is her left arm. She is left handed.

She has fractured vertebrae. The worst is the T11. It’s obliterated. They will fuse the vertebrae around it with metal plates. There will metal plates holding her wrist together.

She will live.

She has many surgeries ahead and a long road to recovery. It’s uncertain yet if there will be any loss of limb function or if there will be any long term effects from concussion.

She will not be snuggling with our baby for a very long time. She won’t be doing any of the things she loves.

She loves to teach. She has a grade 3/4 split class. She was so excited to get back to them after her maternity leave and now she won’t be back for a very long time.

She loves to run. She was going to run a half marathon in two weeks.

She loves yoga.

She loves dancing.

She loves playing with the baby.

Right now she has tubes all over her, keeping her still, sedated, and alive.

Because someone couldn’t wait three seconds at a yield sign.

Because someone wasn’t paying attention as they drove a 1500 pound weapon.

I’m writing this to let everyone who is going to ask know what happened.

But I am also writing it to ask everyone who reads this to realize that as you scan these words someone is performing surgery on my beautiful darling.

Please slow down.

Please don’t text.

Please be patient.

And please remember that every time you sit in that car you take responsibility for lives you will never know except in passing. Literally.

Pass by. Pass by. Be aware and pass by.

And please, pray for my wife and especially for our little one who already misses his mommy.

We are blessed.

She is alive.


Please share this. Please let this horrific night make difference and save lives.

Please slow down and drive safe.


Monday, 21 May 2012

There once was a mellow muffin..

Glen "Jeans" Zadworny, Nov 18, 1968 - May 18, 2012
Woke up to the news this morning that a long-time friend had passed this weekend.  I read and re-read the article and friends notes, but somehow it just cannot be... 

Glen Zadworny ~ Angus Jeans, or simply "Jeans" as he was known way back when, was a BBS Pioneer, who like many of us invited friends and strangers into his home via his C64 Bulletin Board system and 300 baud modem.  Mellow Muffin he called it, and he himself, was the Mellowest of all.  

He was a sweetheart, a good friend with a big heart, who never minded lending an ear to a friend.  I know I bent his ears plenty of times..

In the 20-odd years since I first met him, I've never heard anyone utter an unkind word about him.  Truly there aren't many people that can take that claim.  He was one of a kind, a cherished friend.  

"He will be missed" hardly seems adequate enough to describe the weight of the loss of someone that you visited with regularly for so many years, though I didn't know him as well as some. 

I went searching for photos of Glen this morning.  Found myself remembering how quickly he'd manage to duck and turn when he saw the camera.  I had a great many photos of the back of his head. He had some amazingly long hair back in the day.

I snagged this photo from his profile - the mischievous grin and thumbs up so totally reminded me of the happy soul whose spirit and life I'd always took for granted would be eternal.  He was way too young to be taken so soon, so many weren't even close to 'done' with him yet. 

Somewhere in there there's something poetic in the fact that he died doing something that he loved but that seems little comfort. I cannot help but think of his wife and daughters ...  from this distance I can do little but send hugs and well wishes, and hopes of peace.  That hardly seems enough.

I would imagine that somewhere among the clouds there's one helluva modem meet going on.  Jeans, and all of the friends that have gone before him.

There will come a day when we too will come to join him, the great modem meet in the sky ~ I can't say for certain whether the venue will be a Denny's, a Retro Lesters, or perhaps one of the legendary modemmer BBQ's,  but one day we will all meet again..  

Until then, Sweet Dreams Aj.  <3


Saturday, 19 May 2012

Reflections & Celebrations

It's May 19th, 2012 and though for most people that date wouldn't mean a darned thing, in our world it's a very special day. 

Today's the day that our baby bear turns 18!  

(The Daddy unit precludes me from shouting this from the rooftops until 2:36 PM - which is the time stamp on her arrival into the world.)  I suppose you could argue that this timestamp was foreshadowing the future, since if given her way she'll be in bed today until at least then. LOL  

Has it really been 15 years since our little blond haired beauty with ponytails atop her head was running around the house with her "Dumpa Damn" and her buddy Buzz Lightyear?  No, it just cannot be..   

It confounds me how the same time period can seem like decades at times, and in others as though just a few fleeting moments danced by.  

I was reminded this week of a promise we'd made several years ago - we were living in the crazy teenager zone - and hubby and I were joking with his parents that if we survived to see our baby turn 18 that there would be much celebration and merriment.  We joked about buying ginger-ale for Papa, and Champagne or perhaps Baileys for the rest of us.  

Funny though, now that we're here, it hardly seems appropriate - or necessary. 

I've been going through our collection of photos over the last several weeks in preparation for an all day Crop.  They say that a picture is worth a thousand words..  I could surely facilitate "War and Peace" in our albums.  The era of digital photography has only made that moreso and where we may have taken 2 pics trying to get a shot we might take 5 or more.  The results are often goofy, and serve to give a great deal of amusement in going back to look at them.  We've sure had some fun.  

One photo is standing out in memory for me today - a picture of a very young Caelly, sitting on the floor in the middle of the apartment.  One her head she's got my big hair clip, and on her feet, she's put on her Dad's running shoes.  I kept telling her that Daddy's shoes are too big, but she insists that her feet fit.  I wish now I'd gotten pictures of her actually trying to walk around in them.   Just one of many precious moments I have been blessed to share in. 

Some people would say that since I didn't give birth to them, that they're not mine - we're not related ~ I have some choice words for them ~ but the long and short of it is that family isn't just the people you were born to, it is the people that you meet and surround yourself with along the way that make this ride worth while.  Garth had it right when he sang about Unanswered Prayers..  I will forever be grateful for the luck and technology that led me here to this place.  In true "me" fashion, not much went the way I thought it would. In fact, it was when I stopped looking that my dreams found me.  Not in my wildest dreams could I have ever planned this one..  

Nothing in life is guaranteed, and though it hasn't all been sunshine and roses ~ being a "Mom" and sharing in the raising of the 3 little bears has been one of the greatest highlights of my life. 

Caelly ~ I hope that today is the start of a whole year of sunshine smiles and genuine happiness.  "Teemy" loves you baby. XO 

Sunday, 13 May 2012

Mother's Day 2012 ~ My Annual Post.

Happy Mothers Day to all my Mom, Grandma, and Stepmom Pals! If you are fortunate to still have your mom in your life.. give her an extra little hug today. She has earned it. ♥ So grateful that my teddybear doesn't mind sharing his with me. We are truly blessed :)

On Mother's Day, I have always sent out a very special shout out to my Dad, and to all the Single Dad's who made the supreme sacrifice of taking on a job that was never intended for one to do alone.  

I cannot imagine what kind of terror was going through Dad's head when he realized that he would be raising his two girls, then just 10 and 3, on his own - Why he didn't drop and run for the hills to save himself,  I may never know. Some might argue that he's a sucker for punishment ;)  

It couldn't have been easy raising 2 girls solo, particularly during a time when not having a "Mom" in the house seemed to have such a stigma on it.  I remember friends not being allowed to come over to play anymore because there was no "Mom" and a birthday party disaster created because I invited random kids from school when none of my friends were allowed to come and I didn't want to hurt my Dad with that truth. Didn't seem to matter that we'd arranged for my cousin to come and stay for the party.  Somehow the absence of a mom-unit made Dad a perv..  I never got that logic.  People are weird.  

Dad and I didn't always, and don't always see eye to eye but through the good, the bad and the ugly he was always a constant.  No matter what we always knew that we had a home to come home to.   

So much about that time both intrigues me, and eludes me - so many questions unanswered and songs left unsung.  Sometimes, I cannot help but feel sad for all that we missed.  

As a teen, Dad used to blast me for telling people that my mother was dead.  He'd say she was my mother and should be respected as such, but I found that once people learned she was gone that they didn't ask the hard questions that I had no answers for.  It just seemed easier somehow. 

I am reminded now of a time in my early 20's when after many years of non-contact I saw my mother walking down the street. Emotion got the better of me when she walked on by like she didn't even know me, and I'd turned on my heels and screamed at her.  She didn't even miss a step, but the friends I was with at the time were horrified to learn that this woman walking by was in fact, my mother. 

When I reflect on all of the time wasted, in chasing the wind, and wishing on the might-have-beens, it just makes me sad.  No child should ever have to grow up wondering if their parents love them, or why they weren't wanted anymore.  The awesome story that 'might have been' remains unwritten, but I suppose it could be argued that we never lost something we never truly had to begin with.  

She may have given us life, but for reasons unknown to me she closed the book before she got to know the women that her babies became.  She will never know our families or our children - her grandchildren - or watch their stories unfold. When I think about it like that, it is hard not to think that it is she who has missed out, and continues to miss out - so many cherished moments that she hasn't been a part of. 

I am fortunate now to celebrate Mother's Day as a Stepmom to 3 of the most wonderful and amazing children that God put on this earth.  I didn't give them life, but I have made them a part of my life and though it's had it's moments over the last 15 years, I cannot imagine a life without them in it.  There isn't anything I wouldn't do for them, and I would defy anyone who would say that after all these years that they're not *my* children also.  

Sometime family is just as much about the friends and loved ones that you meet along the way, then those you are born to.  Maybe therein lies the real message, the real truth.  It is not as much about the life you were born to, but that which we make for ourselves.  Perhaps in your leaving, and all the words left unsaid much more was taught and said than was evident at first glance. 

Today is Mother's Day, a day traditionally marked by my sister and I by a commiseration of all we've lost and still don't understand. 

This year, despite being knee-deep in the midst of yet-another med drama in my continued journey - this life as a guines pig - I find myself feeling incredibly grateful for our Daddy-Mom who instilled in us the importance of family and always being there for one another.  We haven't always agreed on what all that entails, but just to know that there is someone out there who loves you and would do anything for you is often enough. 

I am blessed with a wonderful teddybear, and with 3 (not so) little (anymore) bears that he shares with me.  I have the world's best in-laws and some of the best friends around - many who stuck by me since the very beginning.  When I look at all I've been through to get here, and where I've ended up, I cannot help but feel grateful. 

Turn a different corner, and who knows where things would have ended up!  ;)

Saturday, 5 May 2012

OMG - You Can't Post That! Greetings From the Zoo!

When I decided to create my blog, I'd promised myself I wasn't going to be one of *those* people.  You know the ones that create a blog and then never get back to it?  Or one of those other people..  You know them too -  those ones that see some mind-boggling need to post, twitter, and generally text-to-life a play by play of every mundane event in their universe. 

I love my friends and family, and I have to say that I'd be among the first in line to carefully claw your eyes out with a spork in defense of those that I care about ~ but I just don't WANT to read hourly postings of "I looked out my window, my car is still there" and other clearly marked postings that scream out "Please help me, I am bored to tears!" I feel like responding and saying "Great, thanks, now I am too!"..   but as with most bits of cheeky sarcasm,  it would probably fall on deaf ears, and having to explain it would ruin everything. 

I actually have a few dozen posts that I started in Word or Notepad when the mood struck, but then something or someone came along and the moment was gone.  Often by the time I get back to it, I find that while the idea is still viable and relevant to me, that I am just not in the mood or headspace to complete the thought.  That's happening way too often lately I'm afraid. 

Sometimes I look back and what I wrote, and find myself thinking - OMG I can't post that in (gasp) public.. and other times I think - nobody will want to read that crap and ultimately in the end they sit in the bit bucket.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of way back in the early days of writing, how I'd sit down and crank out pen-pal letters, poems and creative writing like it was going out of style. I wrote because I enjoyed it immensely.  It didn't matter to me if anybody ever saw it, or what anybody thought of what I wrote.  Getting it out of my head and onto paper was the focus. Wow.. did I really say paper?  Hard to imagine a time where I didn't have e-mail and my word processor to record my thoughts..   Ha!  

I was starting to feel that same kind of burnout with my crafting and it was actually my teddybear that clued me in to that.  I was getting to a point where I was preparing for classes and workshops, but I wasn't actually taking time to craft for me -- what got me into all of it in the first place.  Once I realized that, I started scheduling time to actually dig out my toys and play for nobody else but me more often. At my last crop, I actually made a few cards and worked out a few color ideas that I'd been tossing around.  It felt good to get it out on paper. 

Seems to be the way for a lot of things though - In the hustle and bustle of want to do, and need to do - the lines get blurry and often the personal needs and wants cross over and much needed respite and release are lacking.  I've had to admit a number of times lately that I am not the juggler I want to be, and just how much it irks me to let anybody down.  Often it's my perception that I've let someone down though in the end it's me grumbling over not completing the list I made myself that's the problem.

We suffered some tech-issues in our house between our VOIP line, and my computer taking turns PMS'ing, and occasionally choosing to head out and party together, I was getting pretty annoyed with the whole darned thing.  Toss in some med issues, and life drama on top of it and it's not a big surprise to anybody peeking in that some things are getting lost in the shuffle.  I'm working on that. Baby steps..  

This week I finally got my surgery dates, and I've begun tucking everything else in and around it in true "me" fashion trying to make the most of every one of those little white boxes on the calendar that are just begging for me to put something on them.   Usually several somethings gang up on me all at once and I'm forced to choose between multiple opportunities and outings or rescheduling my own things to take in someone elses'.. 

There so much about my life right now that is wonderful, and don't get me wrong - I am blessed and eternally grateful for all of the blessings that have been given to me - but some days I would just like the opportunity to hit the Snooze button of life and Pause it all - for a week, a day, an hour..  and just breathe...   but don't we all want that?