Saturday, 5 May 2012

OMG - You Can't Post That! Greetings From the Zoo!

When I decided to create my blog, I'd promised myself I wasn't going to be one of *those* people.  You know the ones that create a blog and then never get back to it?  Or one of those other people..  You know them too -  those ones that see some mind-boggling need to post, twitter, and generally text-to-life a play by play of every mundane event in their universe. 

I love my friends and family, and I have to say that I'd be among the first in line to carefully claw your eyes out with a spork in defense of those that I care about ~ but I just don't WANT to read hourly postings of "I looked out my window, my car is still there" and other clearly marked postings that scream out "Please help me, I am bored to tears!" I feel like responding and saying "Great, thanks, now I am too!"..   but as with most bits of cheeky sarcasm,  it would probably fall on deaf ears, and having to explain it would ruin everything. 

I actually have a few dozen posts that I started in Word or Notepad when the mood struck, but then something or someone came along and the moment was gone.  Often by the time I get back to it, I find that while the idea is still viable and relevant to me, that I am just not in the mood or headspace to complete the thought.  That's happening way too often lately I'm afraid. 

Sometimes I look back and what I wrote, and find myself thinking - OMG I can't post that in (gasp) public.. and other times I think - nobody will want to read that crap and ultimately in the end they sit in the bit bucket.  Sometimes I have to remind myself of way back in the early days of writing, how I'd sit down and crank out pen-pal letters, poems and creative writing like it was going out of style. I wrote because I enjoyed it immensely.  It didn't matter to me if anybody ever saw it, or what anybody thought of what I wrote.  Getting it out of my head and onto paper was the focus. Wow.. did I really say paper?  Hard to imagine a time where I didn't have e-mail and my word processor to record my thoughts..   Ha!  

I was starting to feel that same kind of burnout with my crafting and it was actually my teddybear that clued me in to that.  I was getting to a point where I was preparing for classes and workshops, but I wasn't actually taking time to craft for me -- what got me into all of it in the first place.  Once I realized that, I started scheduling time to actually dig out my toys and play for nobody else but me more often. At my last crop, I actually made a few cards and worked out a few color ideas that I'd been tossing around.  It felt good to get it out on paper. 

Seems to be the way for a lot of things though - In the hustle and bustle of want to do, and need to do - the lines get blurry and often the personal needs and wants cross over and much needed respite and release are lacking.  I've had to admit a number of times lately that I am not the juggler I want to be, and just how much it irks me to let anybody down.  Often it's my perception that I've let someone down though in the end it's me grumbling over not completing the list I made myself that's the problem.

We suffered some tech-issues in our house between our VOIP line, and my computer taking turns PMS'ing, and occasionally choosing to head out and party together, I was getting pretty annoyed with the whole darned thing.  Toss in some med issues, and life drama on top of it and it's not a big surprise to anybody peeking in that some things are getting lost in the shuffle.  I'm working on that. Baby steps..  

This week I finally got my surgery dates, and I've begun tucking everything else in and around it in true "me" fashion trying to make the most of every one of those little white boxes on the calendar that are just begging for me to put something on them.   Usually several somethings gang up on me all at once and I'm forced to choose between multiple opportunities and outings or rescheduling my own things to take in someone elses'.. 

There so much about my life right now that is wonderful, and don't get me wrong - I am blessed and eternally grateful for all of the blessings that have been given to me - but some days I would just like the opportunity to hit the Snooze button of life and Pause it all - for a week, a day, an hour..  and just breathe...   but don't we all want that?

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