Friday, 28 February 2014

Remembering Dad..

It has been over a year since you left us, and still, I have days when for a moment my mind 'forgets' that you're gone...  and I'm left with this feeling of scolding myself because I let myself forget again..   

Of course I never really forgot.. but when someone is such a driving force in your life, the sudden removal of that person leaves an empty cavern and it's not a surprise that you've left tough shoes to fill. 

There are still so many days when something comes up, or something happens ~ a song on the radio or a conversation with a friend and I think of something you'd say, or something you would typically do.. and I'll laugh out loud..  sometimes cry..   

I have picked up the phone so many times to share this or that with you, sometimes even getting as far as dialing your number before it clicks.. and I'm left with that empty feeling again.  

From a young age, you always said that one day you would be gone and you wanted to make sure I was going to be "OK."  To be honest, I'd heard it so often I always thought you were full of crap.  Surely my Dad was going to live forever.  Yes, I knew one day you'd be taken ~ but that day was light years away.  How wrong I was..   

You were our Dad, and our Mom too.  When Mom left, you remained.  We were just 10 and 3.  What a stretch it must have been for you to be raising 2 young girls alone at a time when it wasn't so widely talked about.  You were always fond of saying that you stuck with the ship.  No matter what life threw at us, you were always there in our corner, sometimes cheering us on, sometimes giving us a much-needed kick in the butt (even if sometimes we didn't know we needed it.)  I could never imagine a life without you in it, yet here we are. 

It is days like today Dad, on what would have been your birthday, that I'm grateful that you gave me a sister.  We don't always see eye to eye, but she may be the one person on the planet who truly gets the warped sense of humour that you gave to us. 

I often wonder what you'd think of the way things have gone.  I'm sure that the air would be some technicolor shade of blue..   you'd have liked that at least..    

I love you Dad.  I miss you.  You are always in my heart, and on my mind. 

Happy Birthday.  XO
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