Live Every Day As It's Your Last ~ One Day It Will Be

One of my favorite pics of Dad ~ At the Highland Games years ago :)

We were sitting here talking about how tomorrow would have been Dad's birthday and marveling at how surreal it is that it's already been 3 months, and how it feels like just yesterday and ages ago all at the same time that I was talking to Dad on the phone and plotting to come out for a visit in a few weeks’ time.  How we got from there to here is mind-blowing.  None of anything went as planned, and there are still many days that it feels like I’m stuck in a bad dream and I can’t seem to wake up.

About that time a friend of mine messaged all excited about a new purse she just bought on sale for $700 -- it is important to note it was regularly over $900!!  And I just about laid an egg..    I've had CARS that I've paid less than that for, and drove them for multiple years!!  The image of my friend sitting on her purse expecting to get somewhere tickles my funny bone.. but I digress..

It's much more than that though - When I think of the good I could do with that kind of money ~ That's several month's groceries,  it's car payments for a couple of months.. it's so many things..  but just a purse.. that doesn't even make my list..  Now I should say here that I mean in no way to disrespect my happy shopping friend ~ honestly, she’s one of a number of ladies that have discovered the joys of pricey purses lately, and I’ve had the same conversation to my shoe-collecting friends as well.  We all have our habits and vices right?  Mine lives in my craft room.. <Grin> 

Given the timing of the conversation, I found myself laughing.  If I'd ever told my Dad I'd spent that kind of money on a purse I think he'd have had me committed.  He probably would have driven me there himself.. likely in a flurry of conversations surrounding the phrases “F’n dummy” and “Easy come easy go eh?”, two of his very favorite sayings. 

Even so, I just cannot wrap my brain around spending that much on something to throw my crap in.. LOL     Guess I'm not much of a girly girl..   it's all Dad's fault I suppose..  he always called my sister and I his sons..  It became somewhat of a family joke.  He always wanted a son.  He and Mom had a son before me, but he died as an infant and after that Mom gave him two girls.  He proudly told everyone that we were his sons, and we’d laugh and call him our Mom – Daddy-Mom, actually.  Since for most of our lives he filled both roles having taken over when our Mom ran away from home.

I was remembering how Dad had insisted that if I was going to drive a car that I had to know how to take care of it.  He bought me my first car at 16.  I had to learn to check the oil, and tire pressure and such before I was ever allowed to drive it.  Don’t even get me started on my learning to drive -  Dad had some pretty interesting methods of making sure his student kept their mind on the road while driving.  He always stuck a roll of toilet paper in the glove box “Just in case”; I think he just wanted to throw us off of our confidence and make sure we paid attention.  Crazy bugger.  I remember stopping at a red light and having him quietly pull on the hand brake or slipping the car into neutral and laughing himself silly while you panicked as the light went green.  I will never forget the day he reached over and cuffed me in the back of the head and when I asked what that was for, he said that one day I’d have my boyfriend in the car and he’d be talking to me, and feeling up my leg and I’d have to keep my mind on the road.  I quipped back Yeah right Dad, like you’re ever gonna let me have a boyfriend!  We both laughed all the way home..    

When other girls my age were out shopping with their moms or hanging out at the mall, I was learning how to change the oil in the car, piling wood for the wood stove,  helping Dad with the tow truck just to name a few. At 10..11..12.. , I was making business calls, and answering business calls and calls for the Union (Dad was a shop steward for a time) .  I learned to cook, and clean house, and helped out with my little sister.  We moved around quite a bit, and Dad always drove us to school and picked us up.  At times I felt robbed of what others were doing that I wasn’t allowed to.  It took me a long time to realize the gifts that he’d given me early in life that many don’t learn til much later – some never learn them.  

He was fond of saying that I was going to grow up strong like him. Ford Tough, he’d say..   whenever something bad would happen he’d say “Don’t worry kid, you’re a Wilson! You’re tough, like me!  Ford Tough” and we’d laugh..  

A few months before he fell ill we were talking on the phone and he said something I will never forget.  He told me he had no brains anymore that he’d given them all to me.  I thought that he was just being his jokester self, but he insisted he was serious that he’d taught me everything he knew so that he didn’t have to think anymore.  At the time I didn’t know it, but we’ve come to realize that Dad had been ill for a lot longer than he let on.  I think he wanted to make sure that he let me know that he loved me.  He didn’t often say it – he was the king of “me too”, when he actually said it, it was a very big deal.  Over the last year he’d become fond of saying “I miss you more than the world”, “I love you more than the world”.  I just hope he knew that to me, he was the world.  He was the one person in my life that was always there no matter what.  It didn’t matter what had happened, or what was needed; if he couldn’t fix it he did his very best to find us someone who could. 

He was never hung up on looks or age and didn’t care that having a teenage daughter would tell the world that was old.  He’d come to my band concerts in his jeans and vest, and afterwards he’d crack jokes and we’d all laugh about all the people who got all dressed up to put on airs at a kid’s concert. I can think of very few times when I called on Dad for help and didn’t get it.   In my teens and twenties friends were very jealous of my ability to make a phone call and say “Daddy it’s broken, come get it” and before too long a tow truck would be coming down the road to the rescue.  Everybody should have that kind of security in their lives. 

When he was in the hospital this past year,  he told me that I was the best thing he ever did and that he was proud of me.  Now to most that wouldn’t seem like a very big deal but my Dad was never a very touchy feely sappy kinda guy..   His way was more to tell me how screwed up I was or what I’d done wrong – perhaps some effort to make me work harder.  I could clean the whole house to surprise him, but then he’d come back and notice a sock under the couch, or some other trivial item – oh there were days I wanted a bugs bunny mallet!!  -  but then I’d heard from other people how he’d praised me or how proud he was of me.  So this direct statement was very unexpected, and a very precious gift.   I had no idea at the time that it would be one of the last times I’d hear his voice as he was intubated not long after, and though we were able to “talk” afterwards,  his words were no longer audible.  The nurses marvelled at the fact that we were carrying on complete conversations while many of them couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort to try to make out what he was trying to tell them. 

I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s been gone 3 months already.  I keep expecting the phone to ring and hear that familiar voice telling me he’s got a job for me, wisecracking and joking around.  Someone will say something, or something will happen and I’ll think Oh wow.. I’ve gotta tell Dad – and then it hits me and I find myself feeling like an idiot – how could I “forget” something so important.  The other day I reconnected with a girl from our old neighborhood we haven’t talked since we were kids,  crazy that we live about an hour apart and both some 4000 miles from “home”.   My first thought was to call Dad and tell him who I’d “found”.  It still doesn’t feel real and I’m not entirely certain that it ever will.

When I think of all the times we put off the “What if” conversations as if we had all the time in the world.  Truly, we always take for granted what we have until we don’t have it anymore.  I never dreamed I’d be saying good-bye to Dad so early in life, I was pretty sure we had many many years to drive each other crazy left to explore..   I guess it’s true what they say.  You just never know..   

Live every day as though it may be your last.  One day, it will be.

Love you Daddy.  Miss you

It's a new year.. to new beginnings..

2012 was to be the start of a brand new year of hope, dreams and life..

Instead it was a year of medical struggles, a test of human spirit, and death.   Not in my wildest dreams or nightmares could I have planned the way the year played out.  It wasn't as depicted in the travel brochure, let me tell you!!

Seems so strange to condense all the happenings of the year into two short sentences, but looking at it, that's truly it in a nutshell.

It started in February with me being in hospital for a week - gall bladder -  came home with a drain tube while they contemplated their next move.  To be honest, it happened so fast that I didn't have time to plan for it, get upset about it or go to the usual crazy places that a mind goes when faced when yet another stop along the crazy path that I've come to call my life as a guinea pig.

In May my Dad got sick,, and there were several weeks via phone of coaxing him to go to the doctor.   As it was, he finally went and by then he was slurring his words intermittently, and for some reason didn't see a reason to tell the doctor covering for his that this was a new issue and not a regular item on the hit parade.  I called back and spoke to him and he came to speak to me on his lunch break.  Promised to see my Dad again the next day.   True to his word he did so..   and Dad was told he needed to go to hospital.. 

Dad was never a "Hospital" guy, and wasn't going to go willingly into that dark night..  I remember when he'd drive me to the cancer clinic for my chemo treatments years ago how he rarely came inside.  He'd drive me down there, with all my gear and packed amusements and tell everyone I was going on a 5 day vacation.  My ride down there was my visit.  You see, Dad always associated the hospital with death and dying.  He hated the smells and if given the choice he just wouldn't go.  I remember how shocked I was to come out of that initial surgery and have Dad and one of his older sisters come in to visit.  Several of the nurses thought Auntie Eileen was my Mom.  I laughed about that one for a really long time.  Or was it the funny face Dad made when I told him that they'd thought his sister was his wife?  Maybe a little bit of both..  he was always such a character. 

It took two weeks of coaxing to get him to actually go -- he was so sure they'd keep him..     but he finally went in June 3rd..  he was so sure he wasn't staying that he parked in the loading zone at emerg.   As we suspected, he was wrong -  and was admitted immediately.

Thanks to a really awesome friend back home, we were able to get Dad's trucked moved from the loading zone at the hospital from 3500 miles away.

I was on a flight home 2 days later and stayed until August.  At that point Dad was still in ICU but stable and progressing -- my Father in-law was going for an expected quadruple bypass. It was to be his second, and things weren't looking good.  We were faced with the possibility of losing a valued pillar of our lives and family. 

Much to our delight, my FIL's surgery went well - a triple rather than a quad and he was well on his way to being home by the time I went for surgery 2 days later.   I like to think of it as all the good karma in the universe that he's thrown out over the years coming back to repay him.  He truly is a wonderful man.

 I was almost 3 months before my incision healed enough that I could drive, or fly..  so I was forced to do the daily check in's by phone.  Dad had a trach tube in so we couldn't speak directly, but we did pass messages through nurses and family friend.  The hospital also had what they refer to as a "You've got mail" program so I was able to send e-mails and pictures as well.  I wish I could have seen the look on Dad's face when the box arrived with the Halloween decorations for his room..   some of my crafting friends and colleagues sent cards that nurses papered the wall in his room.  I like to think that even if he was thinking I'd gone bonkers that it made him smile.  I know he particularly liked the blue fuzzy blanket that we sent him.  I figured it might make him feel a little more like home, and a little less like hospital (Jail as he called it). 

We were about 2 months into our "wait" when my FIL finally got in for the surgery we'd initially been waiting for.   After the scare of the first surgery,  this one didn't seem as scary but it was clear it was also very risky.  We were and are so very grateful that his surgeries went well.  He is definitely part energizer bunny that one..  and every bit as loved. 

Honestly, I think my brain had gone pretty numb by that point; I was really starting to feel like I was running around in zombie land and not in a hyped up trendy fun way either.   Spent an awful lot of time going through the list of have-to-do and need-to-do without a whole lot of concern about everything that was flying at me. 

We finally got the go-ahead to go back at the end of November.  We were going to fly out for Christmas and spend it with Dad.  Then Dad took a turn for the worst, and we arrived November 28th.  Dad passed December 1st.  This added a whole new set of circumstances and family drama -- way more than I expected..

I am grateful I was there to hold Dad's hand when his time came but I am so truly disgusted at how people Dad called friends behaved and how disrespectful people can be..

Hard to believe it's been 2 months already.. it still doesn't feel real..   not that I don't know my Dad's gone..   but I still catch myself picking up the phone to call every so often, or wondering what he's doing or something and then it hits me..  and I always feel like such an idiot..

They tell me it gets easier with time..   I can only hope..

Oh Eastlink.. what am I gonna do with you.. ?

Dear Eastlink ~ When we hooked up your telephone service it was clearly on a trial basis ~ a secondary phone line because our VOIP was being flakey and ticking us off on a regular basis.   

Anybody worth his salt at anything knows that it's not a great idea to take a telephone away from a girl..  

We'd asked for the phone to be non-posted, because we already *have* a regular phone line.  we weren't even sure we were going to keep this secondary line.  Up until last week everything was peachy-keen. 

Then suddenly we seem to be on every telemarketing list, and random I'd like your opinion messages.  I feel bad for the lady I gave a hard time to who later told me that the township had given her my number.  Thought that was so very strange, til I called and confirmed that they'd gotten it from the directory. 

Today two more such calls came, and while I'm thankful that they were both people that had our home number but chose to exercise their tech muscles and look it up, it did beg the question of what might happen.. what *could* happen.. 

The smile of the day goes to Julia at Eastlink who not only re-assigned the number but issued a credit for the unlisted feature for a year.  Gotta leave it to us girls to appreciate the value of having a phone for meetings and such that doesn't have call alert honking in your ear constantly..    ah..  Bliss...  <3  

Just don't get me started on the telemarketers and crap calls that have monopolized our phone lately... You've been warned.. ;)

Beware Montreal ~ This is NOT the Food You're Looking For!

I have to say that in our line of work and spending the amount of time immersed in social media that we do in the course of a day that we see and hear a lot of things.  Like with most things, some of those things make you laugh, others make you cry and then there are some things that once you see, compel you to want to take action -- to do SOMETHING -- to make things right.  Such injustices should not be allowed to continue.  Right? 

I have seen some truly magical things occur on Facebook over the last year or so.  Animals returned to their owners, missing kids and runaways brought home safely,  criminals caught and huge amounts of awareness and community support to be shared.  Similarly the same is also true of customer complaint and outrage.  The old adage of she told two friends, and so on and so on still holds true – only now when two friends are told the echoes march around the world at rapid pace.  It never ceases to amaze me the truly stupid things that people do and actually expect that nothing will ever come of it.  Customer Service, much like common sense seems to be a really selective thing in our current population.  Another one of those things I just cannot explain but it drives me batty. In any case, I digress..

A good friend of mine shared a story, that a friend had shared with her regarding a recent visit to a local restaurant. As it goes, The party was 2 adults, 2 children, and 2 toddlers.  They watched the rude hostess set a table for 4 with 6 places.  When they asked for an additional table due to space constraints she was very visibly annoyed to have been asked.  (The restaurant was not busy, or full – it was suggested perhaps a 60-70% empty ratio at the time) so there should have been no reason why this simple request could not have been accommodated with little effort.

Sometime later a waitress finally came to take their order.  It was explained that both the Mom and one of the small children had some dietary restrictions due to their celiac disease in that they could not eat gluten.  While in the past they had been accommodated without any incident today they were told that what was on the menu was all that they had.  The family placed their order for the 4, while options for the two were considered.  After waiting 20 minutes the waitress comes back and is again asked if there is anything she might do – perhaps a plain chicken breast, something – ANYTHING – the kids are hungry.  To which she was told that there was nothing. 

Speaking to the store manage was of no help either.  After watching the waitress essentially insult her to the manager in plain view of the customer and other patrons the manager attends the table with what was described as a ridiculous smile to ask what’s going on.  The problem is once again explained, enunciating that previous visits to this particular restaurant have been accommodating and without any such difficulty. 

The manager tells the family that they don’t serve people with allergies here.  Mom explains that they don’t have allergies, that once again it’s a disease called celiac, and that they cannot eat gluten products.  She wasn’t even allowed to finish her sentence when she was sternly reminded that “We do not take any chances whatsoever and won’t serve people with allergies.”

As the family got up to leave the manager says “Sorry about that”, and the aforementioned rude hostess yells after them “Have a good Day”.  

I should point out here that a tab for a 6 person meal could  easily have netted the restaurant a sizeable sum, plus tips ~ but for a little consideration to food sensitivities this family with small hungry children to feed was turned away because nobody wanted to make a little extra effort.  Honestly, if their policy is truly to be unwavering in accommodating their clientele shouldn’t there be some kind of signage to indicate this?  Perhaps a big sign that says “No Substitutions” at the very least – but certainly something that would indicate on the first steps in the door that this is not a place where there is any wiggle room for change. 

This restaurant “Scores Vaudreuil” is in the Montreal area, but honestly it could have been anywhere.  Without trying particularly hard I can think of several friends who for a variety of reasons have dietary restrictions, myself included.  While every effort is made to make good choices for ourselves and our families there will always be those times when you want to go out for a treat, or life brings you out and about when you’d normally have been home.  Surely the kind folks in the SERVICE industry would be a little more accommodating of the people they serve?  Apparently not.   

Mom was happy to later report that another local restaurant “St. Hubert Vaudreuil” located just off Charles Street happily offers a “Gluten Free Menu” at the same cost as their regular meals.  They have been educated in contamination and even took the time to warn of possible cross contaminations.  Thumbs Up for St. Hubert Vaudreuil!

Since hearing of this story, news of the incident has been circulating around the social networks as we knew it would.  Another Mom shared an experience of the same restaurant wanting to charge the woman an additional $4 to take home a portion of her quarter chicken dinner that she hadn’t been able to finish.  The meal had already been paid for, and thinking she could make a sandwich with the leftover the next day, she was going to take it home with her. Apparently this restaurant has a new rule.  If you want a doggie bag, there is an almost $4 charge to bring home what’s left of a meal you have already paid for!  Incredible.  A letter to the head office went unanswered. 

So take note hungry people of Montreal and weary travelers.  As the saying goes Be Informed – Know Before you go!  This is not the restaurant you are looking for! 

Cheers to another trip around the sun ~ The GP..

Isn't that always the way.. 

Just about ready to sign off the end of the post and there's a click, a whirr, and the monitor blue screens. (Sigh).  So where was I.. 

Ah Yes.. 

18 years..  Where did the time go?

It has been many months of going for a test then waiting 3 weeks to get the results. I'd finally been put in queue for surgery but was in a holding pattern waiting..  that last morning I'd been up all night, I couldn't eat, couldn't drink for getting sick and I was admitted through Emergency instead. Spent that first day in the hallway, so great to be sick and feel like you're on display. 

I don't think that I'd allowed myself to really think about things. In fact, it wasn't until I was lying in my hospital room that evening; my dad and aunt had arrived to visit and the surgeon thought that despite my best objections that it would be a good idea for me to tell them the news.  I hadn't admitted to anyone, not even myself that I was scared, and no tears had fallen up until the point that I had to tell Dad the news. I didn't want to tell him, I didn't want him to worry - in hindsight I think too that the idea of telling Dad made it REAL.  Thankfully the surgeon stayed, because once I dropped the initial bomb, she was able to explain the rest - I don't think I could have at that point. 

I remember being on morphine and trying to explain to a nurse how that "nice lady" that had come to visit with my Dad was *not* my Mom and after having revealed that, well no I didn't know where she was.  The nurse had come in talking about my Mom and Dad and was ready to call the doctor because she thought I was tripping on morphine - meanwhile I was trying to figure out how my mother had been there and I hadn't seen her, and who had even told her I was there.  I cannot help but think of Dad's laugh when I told him that the nurse thought that Auntie Eileen was my Mom and how he'd laughed even harder when I told him that I'd told the nurse that she was his sister and that was just gross..  

I was thinking of Auntie Eileen this morning too. God I wish I could call her and celebrate this day with her too. I have to believe that somewhere up there she's looking down and smiling ~ she was there ~ she'd remember. 

5 1/2 pounds of cancer and my right ovary they removed that day. I recall piling pounds of hamburger individually wrapped on my counter and realizing just how BIG that really was. 

A second surgery the following year took a pound and a half more of me, and most of my left ovary but turned out to be non-cancerous in the end. Just one more snatch and grab for this year's body part donation I guess. 

Ovarian Cancer - Germ Cell Tumor - Chemotherapy - just the start of the new medical knowledge I would come to learn, that I never cared to know. Lymphedema, PCOS, Diabetes II among the treasures to follow. Years down the road I would come to call this journey, "My Life As A Guinea Pig"...  

All in all I find myself looking back over most of those years as much of a learning experience. In some areas it was a real crash course in the way things are. Amazing how you find out who your real friends are - and I'm every-so grateful that I have a few. From Jim and Matt who 
came down and brought me a Pumpkin bucket with "real food" inside ~ back in those "Young" days when we still called McD's "food"..  That pumpkin bucket lived on my IV pole for the whole 13 days I was in hospital ~ it gave quite a few a real chuckle and along with the big teddybear slippers my Dad bought me as an early birthday present helped earn me the nickname "Sunshine" because I was always smiling and wandering the halls as though I was there by mistake.  

I still laugh when I think of Jim "babenapping" me with a group of friends to go for coffee just to give me a break, and how grateful I was that the nurses were willing to cap the IV port and let me leave for a little reprieve.  There I sat with balding head, wrist bracelet and my port-o-cath as my friends told everyone who came by that I was out on a day pass.  People must have thought we were crazy, but we had so much fun!  

I still have the bulldog that John left on my TV when he'd arrived to find me gone, bed and all for a test.  He'd gone out to his car trying to think of how he'd let me know he'd been there, and came in with a stuffed bulldog that he'd had as a mascot in his car that I always teased him I was going to pilfer..  He knew that if he left that behind I would recognize it instantly. He was right!  

At that time, Tequilla Sunrise was still in full swing, and there was a whole host of friends that lived in that little box, including great new friends like Mary, Dallas and Ardith that I'd met in the Carcinoma and Survivor groups that I'd talk to regularly.  Never underestimate the value of hearing "I know how you feel", from someone who actually does. I never realized how often we say that particular phrase just trying to empathize without really having a clue. It became one of my biggest pet peeves..

I spent a lot of of my time in hospital in a room across the hall going through my phone book phoning friends. I never wanted to disturb my room-mate. It was so much better than sitting in my room, and you could only pace the halls or watch SO much tv.  The rest of my time was spent writing, and listening to CD's or the radio passing the time.  

I never thought I was in denial, but I always marvelled at how whatever person I ended up bunked with each time was always so much worse off than I, and wondering if they did that on purpose.  Dad used to call it my holiday because I'd go in with a bag of my clothes and personal effects, and the other bag (read anvil) packed with notebooks, books to read, CD's and a ghetto blaster that Tom lent me (and then later told me to keep) that was a constant reminder that I had friends who cared. 

Another awesome friend John, came to my rescue just a few days after hospital release to help me move unexpectedly. I never thought we'd get so much stuff moved in his car, but it would have rivaled National Lampoon's vacation.  We never did take any pictures but let me assure you it was quite the sight! 

I remember having a conversation with one of the nurses at the cancer agency. She wanted  to know which of these guys was *mine* and she'd been so surprised when I said none of them. I never told her that there was one that I'd hoped would one day be mine, but there were very few that actually knew that information.  I didn't want to jinx it, I guess. 

Made me laugh to think that the nurse thought I was such a player because I was single and had "all these guys" coming to call.. the truth is, that I've always had more "guy friends"  that girls.  Maybe it's because I grew up in a single parent home with my Dad and my little sister, I always related to guys better than girls ~ who knows.. but it is what it is.. I'm not complaining.. 

Even now, after spending most of 2008 in hospital, after having my gastric bypass and having complications relating to my asthma and wound care afterwards - having to stand and walk again, nerve damage and a leg brace ~ and more recently adding a gall bladder surgery to the mix If I look at it rationally I can see many good things that came out of all of my medical drama. 

I am ever amazed at how being faced with a serious surgery puts you in a mode of personal reflection, looking at where you've been and where you're going and often where you *thought* you'd be by now.  I cannot help but think that someone up there has a twisted sense of humor and is trying to remind me that life is short and that I need to work on my bucket list. 

I found myself marvelling this morning that when our youngest was being born I was well into my planning for my surgeries. She turned 18 in May ~ it really doesn't seem like it has been that long..  in so many ways .. when I became her Stepmom, she was only 2.. wow.. time really does fly. 

Some of my biggest memories of that time period are of me berating myself for not having attained many of the things I'd wanted for myself in this life - at least not "yet". I remember one journal entry from my second cancer surgery where I started out with "Here we are again.." seemed like rather
my anthem at the time.

We all run through this life as if today is the first day of the rest of our live and there is an unlimited supply remaining for us to draw on.  The truth is, that nothing is certain. We could  walk outside and be run over by a bus without a moment's notice or a routine check-up could uncover something we weren't even aware we had.  Nothing is promised. Cherish every day as if it were your last, because one day it will be. 

There are things in our lives that we all wonder after-the-fact if we should h ave done them differently - should I have said yes to that date, or passed up on an opportunity, but let your friends laugh as they may at your choices.  Every one of those peaks and valleys in the road was something you wanted at the time, and each one of them helped to shape you into who and what you are today. 

I used to spend a lot of time in "What might have beens", wondering if I had done this or that differently how things might have been different. What could I have changed in myself to create  a different outcome - though I've come to realize that while in some cases that might have made  a difference, for many more it wouldn't have done a thing because it was never about me in the first place. My biggest regret in life is not giving myself the credit and support to pursue the  goals I wanted for myself.  I spent way too much time worrying about what others thought, and how things would be perceived and it cost me much. 

The same could be said for my apparent affinity for chasing the wind.  Like a dog with a bone there were times when I just would not let an idea go.  Ironic that the best things in my life came to me when I stopped looking, and he found *me*.  

This last round of med-drama seemed so much different to me somehow.  I wasn't at all worried, I went in confident that this was just a speedbump and tomorrow we'd carry  on right where we left off. 

Maybe it's just that I finally feel like I'm on the right path.  I have the man of my dreams - my teddybear - and the 3 (not so) little (anymore) bears that he shares with me.  So many trials and tribulations that that cuddly ol' bear has seen me through ~ I cannot help but feel grateful.  I'm not sure that any other stand-in in his place would have done the same. 

I am working in local media - a life-long dream finally realized - there are some truly remarkable people doing awesome things in our communities if only you take the time to look.  I am fortunate to be among those that get to seek them out and shine a little spotlight on them.  

I am an active volunteer in our community working with a variety of tasks, groups and organizations - some in just a brainstorming capacity but I really enjoy that.  

Not everything is exactly as it could be or perhaps should be, but so long as there is room for improvement or advancement there is much left to do.  At least the toes are pointing in the right direction for a change. 

In true "Me" fashion, I didn't go about getting any of it the way that I planned, or even in the order  I thought they'd get here.. but I suppose the important part of the message is that I'm not that 24 year old little girl anymore dreaming of what could have been and what might be, but this 42 year old is taking it one day at a time, and plodding ahead. 

I didn't take the easy way out, or the direct route - in fact I definitely took the long way around but in the end the only thing that's really important is that I finally made it HOME and for once I'm right where I want to be. <3

Hang on tight ~ The best is yet to be.  <3

If you've been around for a while you know that this is the time when I normally announce what my not so RAK of this year will be.  Every year I've tried to do something a little different, last year we had the vendor
fair (for example) to benefit the Food Bank.  

This year with all of the med drama in our lives - not just with me but with our Dads also, as well as the basement reconstruction I decided to keep it a little more low key ~ however tradition is tradition. 

So be sure to check my blog/Facebook/G+ for both Epicure and Stampin' Up! from now until my birthday ~ there will be a variety of specials and promotions running.  The biggest perhaps is that for every purchase placed through my demonstrator websites from today, September 24, 2012 until Oct 9th, 2012 - I will donate my commissions from all orders placed to the Canadian Cancer Society. There will be other promotions in addition to this, but you will have to watch for those..  

Epicure Selections:   FACEBOOK  BLOG  or TWITTER or DEMONSTRATOR WEB

Stampin' Up!:   FACEBOOK  BLOG  or TWITTER or DEMONSTRATOR WEB

Spare Parts - We don't have any Stinkin' Spare Parts..

Well maybe one or two anyhow...  I'm gonna run out of parts to donate to science soon though, I swear!!

Have been getting asked all day if I'm worried about this surgery.  Honestly, the answer is no - not really.  We've been so wrapped up in the med-drama of our loved ones lately that I really hadn't given it a lot of thought.  Though a few well meaning nurses in Vancouver kept telling me I was crazy for putting off my surgery and if it burst I'd be dead ~ but a few well placed "I only have one DAD, I can always book another surgery!"  made it clear they weren't getting anywhere with that line of conversation and it stopped.

You know me, I've never had any trouble putting *me* last on the list..   It was a wee bit of a shock to realize Monday that this long anticipated surgery had kind of snuck up on us while we weren't thinking about it.

In all honesty, I don't anticipate any problems.  In fact, if they can do it laperoscopically I could even be home tomorrow night!

Can't help that little voice in the back of my head though that wonders if that lucky horseshoe that lives up my arse is gonna pull me through one-more-time..  hardly seems fair or just this trip I've been on since I got Ovarian cancer for my birthday all those years ago..  but I suppose without those crappy times I wouldn't appreciate all the great things in my life nearly as much as I do.  I have gleaned more medical knowledge than I ever wanted but some of that sure came in handy during our stint as hospital groupies over the last few months.

I was remembering today sitting in Pre-Op waiting for that first cancer surgery, and berating myself for all the things i had on my list that I wasn't sure if I'd get the chance to do. So many times over the years I've had that conversation with myself - how many times do you have to be told "You almost died" or "You're lucky to be alive" before you get working on the bucket list?  Seriously though - what did you expect - I am after all a natural born BLOND.  <G>

Not much of this life has gone according to "plan" but I have finally attained some of the goals that I'd chosen for myself way back in high school.  Amusing to me how many of the fundemental "Wants" although tweaked a little over the years haven't really changed much.

Someone reminded me the other day of one of the first events I'd covered for BNTV ~  upon arrival I'd overheard someone say "Oh good local media has begun to arrive" and I'd turned around to look and see who had come."  just as I realized that *I* was who they were referring to - OOPS!  In my heart I will always be a people-loving multi-hat wearing chatterbox ~ all the rest is icing on the proverbial cake.

Though many of the gifts received came when I wasn't expecting them, and looked a lot different than what I thought I'd ordered there is no question that someone out there was looking out for me.  I am truly blessed.  I cannot help but be grateful for that.

I have a wonderful man, 3 great kids, and a few awesome friends and colleagues to call my own.  I even have a few family members willing to admit that we are related - Life is good.  :)

Here's hoping that in a few weeks we'll all look back on these past few months and look back on it as a distant shot in the rearview mirror..   I said it at 24 years old upon receiving news of the big C and I'll say it again today at 42 ~ I'm not *done* so don't count me out just yet.

My to-do list is so long, I'm gonna live forever..  <3

Greetings From Far Far Away...

Hey everybody! 


Thought I'd take advantage of a few moments of "stolen" internet at a local Denny's near my Dad's place.  I never realized just how dependant we are on our tech and gadgets until we got out here and didn't have an internet connection, or any of our usual "toys".  I can now confirm that I will not die without my internet connection, but I sure don't like it much!!  ;) 


As several of you know I am currently out in the Vancouver BC area taking care of things while my Dad is in the hospital.  I'd expected to be home this week, but it looks as though I'll be extending a week or so, and likely coming back in a couple of weeks.  


I'd like to take a moment here and thank everyone who has taken the time to e-mail, text and call to see how we're doing and to let us know that you're thinking of us, and that we are missed.  It has been a wonderful calming force in the midst of the craziness that has been the last couple of weeks.  


You might be amazed at the whackos and craziness that crawl out of the woodwork when someone in your family becomes critically ill.  Seems everyone wants to stake some kind of claim to knowledge and a piece of the proverbial pie.  Some days it's a simple annoyed headshake and other days I just want to scream obscenities from the rooftops that end with - he's not dead, he's not dying.. so (BEEP!)   At last count my Dad now had 3 fellows that claim to be just like the son he never had, and many more that seem to be hosting a fan club I'm sure he's not aware he had.  It boggles my mind.  To be fair, some of them have actually been rather entertaining - LOL.   


It's the ones demanding intimate details, and individual emails, phone calls and what not that get to me.  Many long days, and restless, sleepless nights later - all with no internet I might add - and apparently I'm supposed to be sitting at the bedside tweeting personally each new breath or bowel movement.  Sorry folks, that's just not my style.  Knowing how unappreciating Dad would be of a gossip festival in his honour, I have respected his wishes.  Few in his own circles even know what's going on - that's the way he wanted it.  And so it is done.  


So I'm a bitch.. ah well..  it's ok, I can handle it.  I'm just the way my Daddy made me. From today, until the day they cart me away what will be a colorfully decorated (maybe stamped.. LOL) box..   I will tend to and care for my family and friends to the best of my ability..   and protect them til the end.  <3 


Have been trying to post regularly to facebook via my phone - but for some weird reason that's not working so well - longer messages seem to cause the phone to glitch and they vanish and I just don't have the patience to do them again.  I'm also noticing that I cannot post on my business pages for Epicure Selections, or Stampin' Up!  though I can tag them.  So very weird.. 

Thought I'd throw out a quick special..   From now until I return to Cardinal,  I will be offering a FREE SHIPPING special for all orders placed through my website.  That's a 10% savings for you.  The savings will be returned to you on your next order however, as I have no way to give a coupon code for the demo web site.  That gives you a couple of weeks to save a little bit on all that you fancy..  

My new catalogs are in, and by the time we get home my Holiday Minis will be in also..  I cannot wait to catch up with all of you!  


Will try to pop in, in a few days..   If you need to reach me in the meantime, please send me an email to lady8i8@gmail.com  which I can view on my phone, or text if you have the number.  I'll get back to you as soon as possible.  


Cheers and Inky Hugz coming your way!