Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Hang In There, The Sunshine is Coming!

I've been pondering an awful lot lately about something I've always referred to, as "Life in General"...  this last year or so has been such a complete whirlwind that I have sometimes had times when it feels like I've forgotten to stop and breathe,  but then there are other times that just seemed to drag on.. and on.. and on..   F - O - R - E - V - E - R !!!   

It's enough to drive a sane person crazy.. and well some might argue I was already part way there.. 

I'm always amazed at the crazy things that come across my desk - not just the jokes, but the media releases from far and wide and often it's some of the most bat-shit crazy "stuff" I've ever seen..  some days I'm left head scratching, and other days I think those things are the only things that keep me toodling along from one fire to the next...

Over the last while I've been dealing with a lot of what I'm gonna call well-meaning folks who I have to believe have the best of intentions, but clearly do not know me as well as they think they do.  If I was a drinker, I am confident that I could make a pretty decent drinking game that would see me hammered out of my tree pretty regularly.  For every "You need to",  or "Why haven't you", or "you have to" and my personal favorite - "you'd be stupid not to"..     Yup, I'd be pretty hammered.. ALL THE TIME.  

A short while ago I went about making some changes.  A wise man shared a favorite poem with me a number of years ago and over the past many months I find myself reciting it to myself fairly often.  I don't know how much strength or wisdom I still have left at this point, but I just keep putting one foot after the other in a bid that I hope will see me to the end of the race.  

I made a point of walking away from my phone or keyboard for certain folks when it got to be too much, and though it was hard at first, and I felt horribly guilty for it -- some reacted badly as I was so afraid they would -- but you know what?  At the end of the day, the peaceful joy that remained after they threw a tantrum and walked off is far more valuable a commodity.  I found myself wondering why I ever fought so hard to have them stay.. 

I was told recently by two different people that I was an inspirational woman.  That shocked me.  I mean what? seriously? Me?  Have you MET me?  

One fellow broke it down saying that after all I've been through that he couldn't believe what a positive person I was, that he thought I would be a much darker, more distant person after everything life had thrown at me. 

I find it funny sometimes to learn how others see us, as compared to how we see ourselves. We are usually our own worst critics, picking apart the most minute of issues where others wouldn't even look.  That's life, I suppose.

I'll share a little secret with you; when you're standing in the middle of the your own personal drama and it feels like it's just one thing after another you really only have two choices.  You can sink into it and get lost, or you can smile and do your best to swim.    

Yes, there has been a lot to be sad about these past few years, but there has been much to smile about too and though it isn't always easy, I do my best to live there.  

No matter what life throws at us, we all still put our pants on one leg at a time.  The next days just keep on coming and we have to at peace in the knowledge that no matter the darkest night, the sun will still rise again in the morning and with any luck, we'll still have the good fortune to be here waiting for it. 

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