Brain droppings of another new normal.

We had so many plans for this Summer, with and without the kids.  I love having (some of) the kids here, but it comes with a great cost. 

WTF: On technology taking over the world or at least MY world.

A few months back my husband went out and bought a Google mini to try out. He'd heard a lot about them and wanted to play-test one and see if they were worth all the hype. 

It was during the holidays and the kids were all down.  We all laughed at our eldest talking to Google and trying to trip "her" up.  Even our (almost) 6-year-old grandson got in on the act once we figured out he could ask Google to "tell him a joke."  We'd later learn that she could also play games, tell stories, broadcast messages from one mini to the other among a variety of other skills -- some more useful than others. 

There were on sale that week, so after a few days of amusement hubby went out and bought 2 more.  My favourite thing to do was to have it stream a radio station or a Spotify playlist and have it play on all of the speakers so the music literally flowed through our entire house.  

There are quite a few other great options with the system that are totally customizable.  Simply saying Good morning kicks off a weather report for our area and highlights of our area news, and national news.  It can also turn lights on and off (if you have the special adaptors and/or switches to facilitate that).  You can set up goodnight, I'm home and a variety of other triggers too. 

The addition leaves us feeling rather Jetson-esque.  It's great to be able to quickly refer to google without having to dig into your pocket.  I don't know how many times I'd asked it to calculate this or that or look up a piece of information. 

Another great feature is the "where's my phone" feature.  Shh. Don't tell hubby I said that's one of his most used features.  

My mother-in-law got an echo for Christmas so we began researching it a little more deeply to learn how to use it so we could help her learn to use it.  In the following weeks, hubby would go out and get door locks to work in conjunction with this new addition.  This, of course, would carry over to our house as well. It wasn't long before we had one in our living room too.  

It was hilarious to be trying to address Alexa and having Google complain that they didn't know who we were talking to, and Alexa doing her version of the same.  At least the programmers had some fun with it.  

Somewhere along hubby's research path he learned that the automatic door locks, thermostats and what not worked better with Alexa than they did with Google.  We'd been looking at the corresponding "tablets" and weighing the worth of possibly getting one of those for the kitchen.  Could be a lot of fun for looking up recipes -- E-friendly too because you wouldn't have to print it out.  I wonder if you can save recipes to it though, I'll have to look into that. 

We discovered an interesting additional feature on Alexa this morning.  Boredom got the best of me and I said, "Alexa Good morning" to which she replied good morning and informed she had a great shelf of books and that we could ask her daily what book she was reading.  I went to look it up and found that they are adding new features to their system for our use and enjoyment. Aside from getting your news on demand (and hands-free!) there a wide variety of things to try.  You can check them out here.  

blog.aboutamazon.com/devices/alexa-and-amazon-devices-covid-19-resources

We've added a couple more echos and a Show to our "family" recently and have been enjoying the getting to know you phase of this new relationship.  Our grandson loves Alexa SO much because Google quite often didn't understand what he'd said and Alexa seemed to be much more forgiving.   

He loves that Grandpa got one for the spare room so he can lie in bed and ask Alexa to tell him jokes or tell him a story.  Grandma and Grandpa have learned that being able to tell Alexa to play lullabies or play Disney music is a wonderful feature for the littles.  It also has a drop-in feature so you can use it for an intercom and check on what's happening in that room (aurally not visually). 

All in all these toys both have their great features, and we'll keep them both if only because it's amusing to hear them argue with each other when we address one or the other.  

We're trying out a new topic to be featured on the blog regularly. A tongue-in-cheek "WTF," which we're using for "What Tammy Found."  You may find a product review, a new website or hangout, who knows what I'll find.  

Thanks for stopping by!  

8i8

2020: Catch-up to the Party - It's already here!

It's hard to believe that it has been over a year since I last sat down and hammered out a blog post.

It's not that I haven't tried, in fact,  I have many beginnings that got interrupted and never revisited.  Or I'd get on a bit of a soapbox tangent, and cast it aside and when I'd return it would no longer feel relevant.  

A great many other updates occurred directly to social media.  Often on the fly as a passenger in the car to one place or another.  

It seems crazy to me to think that I'd ever find myself to be too busy to do the things I love most but here we are.  I've an overwhelming desire to stand out on the rooftop a number of times just to shout out "Stop the world, I wanna get off!"  Oh to have a quiet day with no commitments to anyone.  I forget what that is.  Every time I think I have the day figured out something or someone pops up to redirect the flow. 

So many of my regular pursuits and things in progress were left hanging on the clothesline.  Now to pick each one up, dust it off and determine whether it should be sent off to the bit bucket or returned to service.  It will take some time but I'll get there.  

Thankfully being in the med-zone lent me somewhat of a mandatory slow down for a while. A chance to pause, to re-group and to plot my next steps.  So many plans and half-baked projects to work on. So many dreams left to fullfil.  If not now -- when?  has been quite prevalent on my mind.  I turned 50 this year.  I'm not getting any younger.  

We welcomed our newest grandchild to the family just a few days after my birthday.  With her comes a big brother who we've only just begun to know but we love him to bits already.  2 boys and 2 girls ~ we are so very blessed.  You don't know unconditional love 'til your baby's baby calls you Grandma, I swear! 

I was marvelling with a couple of good friends this week just how long it's been since we've all had the time -- taken the time -- to get together and just BE.  When did life get so damned busy?  It has been months since I got inky fingers -- you know that's a rarity around here.  

As kids, we were all in such a huge hurry to grow up. We'd be adults, we could do whatever we wanted.  Stay up as late as we wanted, eat whatever we wanted, with no restrictions.  Yeah.  How did that work out for you?  

As parents of sometimes cranky teens, we looked forward to a day when they'd be adults and we'd just be us again.  Just when we'd acclimated ourselves to what that might look like, grandbabies arrived.  That's not to say I'm complaining, but rather pointing out that we always seem to want to be somewhere other than where we are.  Isn't that strange?  These days, I'm happy just to be in my cave, puttering around my house and not having to go anywhere.  Those days are pretty rare.  

I spent much of the last year in preparation mode.  In between the day-to-day and running around I was gearing up for a long-awaited surgery.  Bi-weekly check-ins and plotting took me out of the cave a lot more than I had been used to in a very long time.  Surgery brought on a variety of changes and plotting around homecare.  On a plus note, I'm feeling better now than I have in a very long time.  Still have a ways to go, but for the first time in a long time, there's hope.  

I've gotten to spend copious amounts of time with any variety of our kids and grandchildren. Honestly, they've been my salvation.  No matter how crazy life gets, they can always make me smile -- especially those littles. My goodness!! Our little people make awesome little people. <3 

We're finally in the home stretch of wound care, and things are slowly beginning to get back to normal -- whatever that is -- or a reasonable facsimile.  Picking up and getting back on track feels a little like sorting socks, but we're hanging in there. 

Here's to getting back to the fray! 

Celebrations and early morning ponderings..

Up bright and early this morning as teddybear had a course this morning. The house is quiet save the sound of the rippling water in the fish tank.  It's been a while since the house has sounded so calm and still.  Of course it could just be that I haven't been awake early enough to witness it. I can hear our birthday girl calling it stupid-o-clock and I cannot help but giggle a little bit. 

Caryn pictured here with baby Sasha a number of years
ago. Sadly Sasha passed away just this past week at the
age of 16.  This is one of my favourite photos of
Caryn. 

Our eldest daughter, 'Carebear' (she prefers Cayrbear), 'baby girl' turns 27 today and I can't help but notice that she is now the same age I was when I moved out here 22 years ago and became their "Teemy-Mommy," stepping into the role of custodial stepmom to a crew that was just 2, 4 and 5 at the time.  Fast forward to today and our beautiful little girl is all grown up with a babe of her own -- who just happens to be the 4 years old that she was when I met her. 

I will never forget the sweet smile of a little girl who had crawled up on my lap at her brother's birthday party whose only request

for her birthday was that I come back for her party in January.  I remember feeling a little panicked.  I had no idea how I could possibly make that work but I promised to try and for the moment that was enough. 

When I went home after that visit, I couldn't help but miss them. We'd had a lot of fun during my visit.  

There were several conversations about how we might make another trip work.  There came a point where childcare became an issue, and it was affecting employment.  I'd facetiously offered to come and lend a hand.  I was a little past having had ovarian cancer, and a 2nd surgery for a benign cyst.  I'd been looking at courses that were wait listed and I was not really doing much at the time.  

To be honest, I was mostly being my cheeky self.  We'd all been chatting on the BBS networks for some time and the offer came easily - I'd even surprised myself.  I'd joked that with James working at the college I might get a discount on the courses I was after and could do them by distance Ed while watching the kids - win win for everyone.  In a year or two, I'd return home and "IRL" would resume. Talking always came easy, we just meshed.  I honestly never thought it would become reality, it was a thought thrown into the mix -- a half-baked one at that, but before too long the cookies became a bakery and I was on my way. 

Telling Dad would be the hardest part.  He was not happy that I would leave him.  My promise to come home in a year or so was met with skepticism and attitude.  My sister had thrown a big fit that I couldn't leave as her birthday was coming and I had to be here to celebrate.  As it happened, I booked my trip for the day after my sister's birthday to accomodate and still arrive for Caryn's birthday and as it turned out, my Dad and I spent the evening together as my sister was a no-show.  

January 22nd became known as our "Brockville Birthday" and for many years it was celebrated as the day we officially became a family, and the "Familyzoo" was born.  

On the day of Caryn's birthday party, sitting on my lap I'd told her that I had a special surprise for her before whispering in her ear that I wasn't going home this time.  She'd squealed and wrapped her arms around my neck so tight.  It is a moment I'll never forget.

I never planned to come, and I certainly didn't plan to stay.  For years my Dad would call me a liar because I didn't come home. I remember an early conversation with Dad telling me that this wasn't my responsibility and I could come home any time among other choice words.  I'd said something about our kids and he'd informed me that I hadn't dropped them so they weren't mine. The kids all laughed their heads off when I got off the phone and one by one picked each of them up and dropped them on the floor (they were standing up at the time so they landed on their feet).  I then told them they could call Grandpa Wilson so they could tell him that I had in fact dropped them all, so that was the end of that.  Dad had laughed too. He told me I was nuts and I'd laughed and said "just like my Daddy!"  

I could never have predicted that that simple request of a child would lead me here.  I often wonder if that little girl knows the impact that her birthday wish has had on my life.  A little leap of faith, and I was transported into a world I'd only ever seen in dreams.  There were a few nightmares too, but overall I would do it again in a heartbeat.

There are many things I'd like to think I'd do a little differently now, hindsight brings clarity to so many things, but at the end of the day we're all human -- doing the best we can until we learn a better way.  There is no manual and there are many MANY days when as you close your eyes at night and everybody is still alive, you call it a win. Becoming "Teemy" was the biggest (often hardest) and most rewarding challenge of my life. I didn't always rise to the challenge gracefully, but nobody can ever say I didn't try.  


Even through all the med-crap, and the teenager years, I always knew I had something worth fighting for.  I got to come home to 3 amazing kids, and a wonderful man.  It's the stuff that dreams are made of.   It's not always easy, but nothing worth having ever is.  I can only hope you know how much I love you all. 

And today, on Caryn's birthday..  I find myself thinking about where we've been and where we're going..  it has been an interesting ride to say the least. 

As tough as the teenager years could be, and for all the times we quipped about eating our young, you did a great job in making it up to us when you made us Grandma and Grandpa -- no greater gift was ever given. Good luck ever topping that one. 

With the granting of one simple wish, my life has been forever altered.  I am both blessed and grateful. It was your birthday, but you gave me the biggest gift of all. 

Happy Birthday Caryn! Love you!! XO

Catching up.. Plodding Forward.. Moving On..

It seems like an eternity since I sat down to update my blogs.  I know, I'd promised to do so regularly over the course of my treatment but it didn't happen as planned. 

I sat down at the keyboard a few times during chemotherapy planning to write something to update everyone, but everything I wrote seemed to come out part sick of the med zone part hopeful fortune cookie and I would abandon the post in mid-stream and move onto something else. 

Once I hit radiation, we were staying at the Maurice Grimes Lodge in Ottawa and for some odd reason, I could not get the Blogger site to cooperate with me for anything. I was using my husband's laptop and I might as well have been trying to crack the Caramilk Secret.  

I finished my radiation at the beginning of March, and hair hard just starting coming in.  I will laugh about it for some time to come because the hair was coming in dark and black and I was pretty sure the black shadow was dirt and tried for some time to scrub it off.  It had been just one spot on the front of my head.  It would be a few more days before more would appear and I would realize my mistake.  I had 5 O'clock shadow on my head!  Ah well, you have to laugh, right?

I'm a couple of months into the anti-hormone treatment and feeling a lot more like me these days.  Working hard to get everything caught up and back to where it needs to be. Some days are better than others, but giving myself permission to be human helps.  

I am forever grateful for a handful of close friends and family who stood by and made sure I never got to feel like I was wandering alone.  I am also very grateful for a number of folks that I talk to often but have never met -- not a day went by where at least one of them (and often more) texted to see how things were going, or just check for a pulse.  I'd forgotten how y'all panic when I'm not online for a few days.  

This last year has been BEYOND crazy.  I never imagined that I'd be celebrating 23 years post ovarian cancer by getting breast cancer.  Only me, I swear.  

We had no idea that the night after my first chemo treatment that we'd be sitting in the ER and saying goodbye to one of the greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know.  My father-in-law had been ill for some time, but we had no idea we'd lose him so soon.  I can only hope he knew how much we all love him. 

I keep thinking about the last conversations we had. Even as he lay in his hospital bed, he mustered the strength to ask me how I'd made out.  I told him better than expected. He'd smiled and said good! before drifting back off to sleep.  That's so Walter. Always thinking about someone other than himself.  

He had a knack for making people feel loved and important.  I was blessed to be welcomed into his crazy tribe. 

Barely a hiccup later it seemed, we were all gathered once again to say goodbye to our nephew Mikey.  He was only 24. His smile was one of the brightest smiles I've ever known. He gave awesome hugs.  One of the youngest of the nieces and nephews, everyone took this news hard. 

He leaves behind the most beautiful little girl. Too young to understand the weight of the loss she has suffered. She was so very proud of the necklace that Nana picked for her that has Daddy's thumbprint on the back.  Addiction robbed her of her Daddy.  Addiction robbed his whole family of a lifetime of memories.  He was more than his addiction.  He was loved and cherished.  If only that were enough to keep him here and safe. 

I am grateful she has so many strong role models in her corner.  She'll be OK. Her circle of love will #DoItForMikey.

I can't help but think of my sister and her struggles and wonder what we might have done to change the outcome.  Maybe something, maybe nothing but in hindsight, the stigma surrounding the situation is often worse than the situation itself.  Maybe if we'd been allowed to talk about it more things would be different today.  I often wander down that garden path and wonder. So many dreams and plans we made as kids that will never come to be.  It's sad, but here we are. 

So many tragic things happening lately, these are the things you always hear about happening to some far-away family, not us, not our friends, our family, our neighbors.  It's a Small World, never seemed so close.  None of us are safe, no one is immune.  I guess the bottom line is that all of us are dying, nobody is getting out of here alive.

Tragedy and hard times bring us all a little closer together and really make us look at what's important.  Don't forget to hug those that hold you up a little more closely whenever you can.  Life's too short to forget to let people know they matter. 

Smile often, laugh when you can.  Hug as many people as possible while you're here. <3  - TJW. 

So glad to be home at last.

It hardly seems like it's been 5 months since my last post, but it has. 

I started dozens of writings in that time that for one reason or another never got to "done."  

Most recently, I'd had several attempts while staying at the Lodge for radiation treatments where I couldn't get my computer to log into my blog for reasons unknown.  I'd initially thought that it was because it was to one e-mail account and I'd logged in from another.  I'd tried logging into it as well, and also tried logging out of everything and back into only that e-mail and that didn't solve it.  I'm still befuddled on that score. 

It didn't help that the laptop kept insisting on upgrading to Windows 10, which seemed to work for a short time but then after an update kept reverting back to a previous version of windows.  This process would render the machine useless for hours at a time.  By then I'd be on to something else. 

Suffice it to say that my laptop and I were not besties during much of my cancer treatments.  

I am grateful for my teddy bear who loaned me his laptop several times so that I wouldn't be bored silly, but oddly I couldn't seem to get logged in to my blog from it either.  This machine has always auto-logged me in, so it remains a mystery.  

So much has happened since my last post. way too much to write in the space of one blog. 

I am happy to report however that I finished my last chemo treatment just prior to Christmas.  My radiation treatments started at the end of January, ran through February and finished at the beginning of March.  

It was a long haul but I'm happy to have completed those two legs of the journey.  I'm just a few weeks into the hormone therapy now (anti-hormone therapy perhaps) and follow up with both oncologists in two separate appointments in May. 

The hair I was told would start coming back 6 months after chemo was already starting to come in as I approached the 1 month after chemo. 

I'm still laughing about how I'd seen the dark mark on the front of my head and tried to wash it off.  It really looked like ink transfer, perhaps dry skin or even dirt but I thought it might have come from one of the hats. 

 Imagine my surprise a few days later when there was a large patch on top of my head and I realized that I had been trying to wash off was actually 5 O'clock shadow on my head!  

It's funny now, but it wasn't so funny at the time.  

I thought that the medzone living would bring a slow-down, but quite the opposite.  We got home and things seemed to pick up where the left off in many respects though for sure bedtime was coming up a lot sooner.  It's amazing to me how tired you get when you actually let yourself stop moving for a bit. 

In any case, It feels great to be HOME o our grandkids and kids, to our pets, and to life in general.  Not that we ever truly went away -- being in Ottawa and working sure isn't the same as being in my home office. 

Let the hat parade begin...

I have been teasing friends and family for the last few weeks that a hat parade was coming. I don't think they believed me.

I have never been one for selfies or to take/post photos of myself. James made me promise I'd try to be a bit more diligent about journalling the journey this time around and I thought that this might be a fun thing to add.

Ever since the news of my balding head broke out in town, friends, neighbors, and colleagues have been messaging me telling me they're whipping up something, others have gone out and picked up hats.

I would be seriously remiss if I didn't share this generous outpouring of love and support.

Initially, I thought I'd do a fun Friday post, but thought that in most cases this could amuse the heck out of you on your Monday morning instead so here goes!

Today's lovely creation came to me by way of my fabulously talented friend Jamie Riddell who sent me an adorable photo of a cabbage patch hat a few weeks ago and said she was going to try and make it.

Not only did she make it, but she made a second hat that was so awesome that it caused great debate on which one I liked more and which would be worn first. I'm so glad I don't really have to choose. I love Love LOVE them both!!

Sadly I wasn't here when she dropped off the package, but I hope she heard my giggles and squeals when I got them inside and checked them out. :)

This one seemed like a fabulous hat for a Monday morning! <3

Thanks so much Jamie! You Rock! <3

PS this would have been posted much earlier but seems I haven't cleared pics from my phone in a while and it was too full to let me have it. LOL I had to do some maintenance there before I could have my own darned photo - who knew? LOL