If there's anything good that comes from being dropped Sim-style into the middle of the med-zone is good for is that it is a reality check -- an undeniable forced stop. It is a fine line however, between the pumping of brakes and the impending doom of boredom - which is something I do not do well.
Almost a year has gone by at this point and I find myself thinking back to so many times that I dismissed what I felt like doing because a part of me felt guilty holding it up next to the list of chores on the ever growing to-do list. Too often that I set aside my ambitions because it didn't align with the rest of the household. I'd plan months in advance to attend a workshop or event that I was interested in only to have to cancel because someone called last minute needing either my presence or the funds I'd set aside for the event. Too many times to count.
To be fair, I thought I was taking care of my people. I allowed it to happen, time and time again. As I sit here looking at all of the plans spilled onto the desk collecting dust, it's tough not to notice that when the shoe is on the other foot that the favour is rarely reciprocated.
Years ago, I'd spent most of a year in hospital dealing with complications post gastric bypass. I'd later be discharged with an ambulance ride home only to be dropped in my living room - stuck. When I got back on my feet I swore I'd never be here again. Not EVER. So I was less than impressed to say the least when the persistent muscle pain and spasms that I'd written off as residual nerve damage in my life side coupled with lymphedema turned out to be an end-of-season cliff hanger of epic proportions. Cancer was the last thing I'd expected to hear - let alone that it had returned ... in my back... what the actual hell? Surely there's a joke in there somewhere? If there is, I'm still not laughing.
So now faced with an abundance of free-time to fill, the frustration comes in realizing just how many things require the assistance of someone to either bring something, do something, or just be there while it is being done. Beyond annoying does not adequately cover it. I have always been much more independent than that.
I've started to work on cleaning up overflowing e-mail boxes, and sort out a variety of phone dumps, and files saved. Sifting through things has been a real adventure. I've had the opportunity to reconnect with a few mailing lists and sites that I hadn't looked at in a while, and have gotten back to some of the chat boards as well.
You don't think about how many photos that you have taken until you take on the daunting task of wandering through them. Remember when we'd take one or two photos in hopes of having gotten the shot, and then take them into the photo lab drop off, only to wait a week to see what you actually got? Tens of thousands of digital photos have taken their place, and though they don't take up as much real estate, they still take time to go through.
I have been going through of my notebooks and copy bits and bytes to themed OneNote folders so that I can ditch the paper. As much as I love jotting notes down manually, I swear that paper multiplies when I am not looking at it so whatever I can do to ditch the clutter is a good thing. Not being able to access files on demand has been a pain as well, so I've been taking stock of what I have access to. Once I can get back into my office, I'll be able to carry on down there.
I'd forgotten how easy it is to lose an afternoon to surfing Pinterest and I was only surfing the boards I'd already curated. That's an adventure all its own!
I've learned a few things since the last go around at least. I've already redesigned the shelf beside my chair with magazine holders to hold my notebooks, coloring books, mail and such. I ordered pencil cases and organized pens and pencils, pencil crayons, markers, and put together a makeshift sewing kit. It really is quite impressive for what it is, though it does not in any way make up for not being able to go downstairs to my office, or craft room -- or having my favourite wheelchair sitting in the driveway taunting me - but it's something. It's a beginning..
TJW
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